North Korea and Iran have decided to split up, ending the Axis of Evil. Both parties claim that the divorce is amicable.
Sources close to both claim they will remain friends, but in public, the couple has not shown any sense of solidarity. At parties, Iran would skip merrily to flirt with Pakistan at every opportunity, leaving North Korea to linger alone at the buffet.
Driven by an insane hatred of the United States, the two bastions of repression and terror seemed like a natural pair. As it turns out, they share rhetoric, but little else. "If, God forbid, we are attacked, Iran will turn into a scorching hell for the aggressors," says Iran. North Korea, in a similar billet-doux, said, "Sanctions mean a war and the war knows no mercy". But such passionate talk does not translate to long-term happiness between 2 utterly different belief systems.
Libya, a close, former confidante of the Axis partners, recalls conversations toward the end. "Iran would talk about bringing down the infidels for the glory of Allah, and North Korea would compose bizarre blank verse about the strength of the Worker. They are always talking past each other."
Libya continues, "It looked really bad for the Axis when Iraq was gangbanged - I mean liberated - by the Americans. Iraq worked really hard to keep the Axis together, and was really good at smoothing out differences, like who should pay for which missile, or where they would go out for dinner. But with Iraq gone, I'm not surprised that they broke up.
North Korea has long suspected that Iran has remained involved to get the weapons of mass destruction. "I'd cook a nice meal, usually rice, if we could find any," and Iran is rude. "Where is the plutonium to use against the Great Satan?" And would storm off in a huff, without even trying the meal.
Iran claims North Korea takes itself too seriously. "All this about command economy, and the proletariat. And the really bad poetry. Whenever we show up at event together, I would arrive separately in a BMW, and North Korea would show up late, of course, because there were bus delays. Can you imagine? Public transportation?"
In an effort to keep lawyers out of the divorce, mediators will determine which weapons stockpiles belong to whom. Rumors abound that North Korea has moved back in with its mother.
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