After Spongebob was revealed to be living in "the gayest pineapple under the sea", federal law enforcement has cracked down on suspected gay celebrities - most recently, a massive bust and arrest at the Smurf village bathhouse
"It's nobody's business whether my clients are smurfing, or just smurfing around," said proprietor Smurfette, immediately after the raid. "And why did they have to close my place of business? I have literally nothing else to do around here," she said with a sigh, and immediately propositioned the cameraman.
Over seventy-five Smurfs have been incarcerated, held on indecency charges, but several made their escape. Manboy Smurf was interviewed at his Malibu condo. "I was involved in - well, I shouldn't go into details, but, you seem nice. Let's just say it was a smurf-a-trois with Quarterback Smurf and GOP Smurf. Or it was supposed to be, but the raid started before it could get physical. We didn't even get a chance to smurf any Special K. Fearing for my life, I jumped out a window and drove home - GOP Smurf is still hiding out at my place. They nabbed Quarterback Smurf, because he tripped on a 9 inch steel French Smurf that was lying on the ground.
Papa Smurf, who was attending a charity ball with Elton John, could not be reached for comment. Counselor Smurf released the following statement: "If the Justice Department fails to respect the Constitutional limits of their power, and continues to smurf all over us, we are prepared to sue their smurfs off."
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