all day coffee    
weekly humor and satire - g. xavier robillard
home | writings | toys

Financial Calculator

Email this article

How much does crime pay?

Complete the following to compute the length of your prison sentence. There is no penalty for guessing. If you cheat, you'll be very sorry (cheatsheet provided here).
State your college degree
B.Physical Education
C.My degree is a total fabrication
Number of companies brought down in the wake of your scandal
Number of Pensions ruined by your actions
C.The state of Arkansas
D.Mine. No one else's matters.
Title of Your Post-prison Reality Show
A.The Grifters
B.The Fugitive
C.Cooking With Shivs
D.This Old House Arrest
Amount contributed to Republican Party last year
State your familiarity with your company's finances
A.Was forced to cheat my way through finance classes
B.Too busy to understand finance
C.I have never met our CFO
D.I have done nothing wrong
Amount of company funds spent to upgrade Upper East Side bathroom fixtures
Coefficient of Spitzer: Months until Attorney General Elliot Spitzer runs for governor
A.12 months
B.9-6 months
C.3-6 months
D.< 3 months
Which is worse?
A.Alan Greenspan overhears you telling an off-color joke about him at Davos
B.Your company manipulated energy prices in several western states, causing an artificial power shortage, rolling blackouts, and bankrupting state coffurs.
Your scapegoat:
A.The Media
B.Greedy ex-wife
C.Backstabbing children
D.The stupid people of California who got what they deserve
home | writings | publications | toys | | wish list