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Electrical Storms Disrupt Blogging

Posted June 30, 2008

In Boston this week there have been several electrical storms, which first knocked out our data access, leaving me unable to blog. I learned several things about myself, Boston weather, and a terrible plot that involves the Mass Pike.

As a compulsive blogger who updates three different sites a day I was astonished to be unable to blog. I was deprived of the poorly written software used to update blogs. I couldn't steal any images from across the web. Most of all, there were no comments! Nobody there to respond to my wit.

Idle hands are the devilís workshop. Were there any substances around the house that could take the edge off? I could have another cup of coffee but that would lead to more jitters that needed burning off. Exercise was obviously out of the question. So I poked around the house, and started on the long, slow greasy slide:

I became addicted to bacon. Every time I opened the fridge the greasy salty slabs of Succubus called out for me. Put me on a turkey sandwich. Nobody will know. Iím hoping with the appropriate program I can get off the daily ration of rashers but it going to take time.

Soon after I had my internet restored, the unthinkable happened Ė another lightning storm knocked out a transformer down the street, and the power went out. I'm no electrical engineer, but I've discovered that the internet requires electricity, and I was once more unable to blog. I was already to research the connection between internet and electrical power, but wait, no Wikipedia!

With nothing to do I realized there was something as good if not better than blogging, something which might be the initial primordial form of blogging: talking to myself. I didn't have to wait for others to read my posts and comment and I would comment about my own sentences with urbane and witty responses. It lacked the human contact of blogging in that nobody responded to my words with death threats.

I ventured out of my darkened home, rubbed my eyes, and ran into Tom the mailman. Aside from being the courier of the various catalogs that are so lovingly sent to my home by companies who are sure that I need more lingerie, another studded dog collar and some Italian lamps, Tom knows the pulse of the neighborhood. We discussed the lack of power on the block, and he revealed a mysterious, even sinister fact about Massachusetts lightning storms: they follow the Mass Pike.

No normal meteorologist could explain why weather systems could follow a ten-lane highway, or why it would want to, given the high cost of tolls but it makes sense. The Pike travels right past Fenway Park, and rain delays give the home team an inexorable advantage. Also the crushing barometric pressure affects pitching, again, favoring the home team.

Somebody, somewhere has bewitched the Mass Pike to both improve the Red Sox home record and shut out the internet access of any bloggers who might casually discover this very connection. I'm determined to know who, how and why.

Oh wait, I'm back online. Nevermind.



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