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Five Greatest Flags of All Time

Posted June 13, 2006

3 comments posted. Read them now.

In the Spirit of Flag Day, All Day Coffee presents some of the world's best flags. The flags chosen were based on color scheme, iconography, layout, and the all important question: if these flags were a pair of pants, would you wear them? Ask not what your country can do for you, but do these flag pants make me look fat?

Marshall Islands
If you need any further evidence that the Earth was colonized by aliens, take a view of the flag flown over the Marshall Islands. The flag depicts white dwarf star Z-18467, a dying sun that drove the last of the Marshallians to abandon their home planet, and ride the lightning bolt space ship to an uncivilized Earth, where they built the pyramids, Atlantis, the internet, and the perfect cup of coffee.

I included the blue, red, and white because I knew it would piss people off. But what other country is so culturally superior and prescient that they would think to fashion their flag after the Blue, Red and White movies by Krzysztof Kieslowski some two hundred years before the trilogy came out. Thoughts of which lead me once again to Juliette Binoche - now that's a flag I'd be happy to wave.

Simple. Bold. Terrifying. You couldn't pay Weiden and Kennedy $100 million bucks for a flag that so spookily embodies repression and bureaucracy at the same time (and the swoosh was already taken). The Cold War might be over, but if you want to go back in time to proxy wars and nuclear tension, tack one of these on your wall. You might think that there's a constellation in the upper left corner, but it's actually an artist's rendition of Chairman Mao winking.

Sandwiched on an isthmus between the online blackjack table that is Costa Rica and US Military Base called Honduras, little Nicaragua has not much going for it other than decades of civil war, and really good coffee. This brazen little state has a pyramid prominently featured, which suggests that they invented the pyramid. If you look very closely, you'll see five volcanoes under what looks like Santa Claus' summer hat floating in the sky, so it's perhaps the only flag designed by L. Ron Hubbard. Aside from the giant US flag painted on my roof (shh! The wife doesn't know), the flag of Nicaragua is the only one that decorates my home.

Brazil is often regarded as the Best Country Ever. They have the best in everything: coffee, dancing, beautiful women, formidable soccer team, and sandy beaches. It should be no surprise that the country that birthed bossa nova and capoeira would come up with the perfect flag: beautiful, in the colors of the rain forest, the flag features our planet, expressing the noble sentiment that they are but a part of a larger, integrated world. Wait: what's that? A banner in Portuguese that reads 'Order and Progress'. With a powerful microscope you can see a tiny city of cardboard slums underneath the banner.



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