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7 Dangerous Technologies You Can Still Use While Driving Under California Cellphone Ban

Posted July 8, 2008

The State of California, sick of you cutting it off while making a left turn on the way to Oregon, has enacted a sweeping cell phone ban while you drive. As progressive as this may be, if you consider limiting auto accidents "progressive", there are several gadgets and technologies that are still legal, all of which might be more dangerous than chatting on your mobile. All Day Coffee lists some of them below.

Sending Text Messages
You can still let your friends know, "Sry 5 mns late. C U Soon. L8R. OMFG Tractor Trailor In Front of Me!" The spelling habits used in prolonged texting will degrade reading comprehension, so the driver will not understand "STOP", and will interpret "Left turn Only" as LOL.

Thumb fatigue from too frequent texting may also cause you to lose your ability to grip a steering wheel and increase the likelihood of a crash. Should you survive the accident, your ability to communicate will already be so hampered by texting that the paramedics who comes to your aid will determine you brain dead.

Using Predator Drones to Assassinate High Value Terror Suspects in Waziristan
Although you may receive actionable intel while cruising the I-5 it is imperative that you do not program your missile strike while driving. If you transpose the latitude and longitude while attempting to pass the slow Winnebago in front of you you might blow up the house of the Presbyterian minister in Dayton Ohio instead of the radical Sunni cleric living in a cave in the Pakistani border region.

Creating A Romantic Playlist On Your iPod
Playlists are serious buiness and require real concentration if you are hoping to impress a date, and you should never mix driving with playlisting. If you mistakenly add "(She's A) Brick House", instead of "Brown Eyed Girl", the lady in question may never speak to you again.

Blogging About Current Driving Conditions
If you are live blogging your daily commute, unless you are William Fucking Faulkner you are at risk of boring everyone who reads it to death.

Checking the Wireless Nanny Cam at Home
While it is wholly appropriate to spy on your nanny, especially if she's taking a shower, such surveillance while driving could increase road rage, if she happens to be mistreating your child, or cause an accident if she is in fact showering and you have one hand on the wheel and another in your pants.

Using Your Cell Phone's Calculator to Determine Your Gas Mileage
If you really want to know your gas mileage, it is either so low that you shouldn't be driving in the first place, or so high that you're planning to brag to everyone you know about how great it is, making the rest of us look bad.

Certainly do not attempt any math equations while you drive using your head, such as the conversion from miles to kilometers, as you are likely to enlist your fingers and toes for your arithmetic and will not be able to find the brake in time as you are busy taking off your sock.

Playing Grand Theft Auto IV
Though video game advocates clamin that there is no harm or increased threat of violence playing GTA IV, Metal Gear Solid or Halo 3, there is the intrinsic threat that you may forget you are playing a game and will try to run over the Hummer next to you for "points".

It's perfectly safe, however, to play Guitar Hero while driving.



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