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Filed Under Technology

Chinese Officials Accidentally Censor Communism

Posted May 23, 2006

In what can only be described as a boon to global freedom, Chinese censors mistakingly blocked all references to communism and communist rule in China. The result has been the bloom of democracy to Chinese citizens, beginning with the ceremonial snipping of cables, routers and proxy servers that comprise the Great Firewall of China.

In a day that felt as active and energized as the New Year celebrations, Chinese nationals appreciated the free press, free speech, and free cell phone minutes. Manufacturing ground to a halt as citizens surfed an uncensored web.

The new leaders of the nation, now called the People's Actual Republic of China (PARC), will use a pirated copy of the US constitution. Sources say the new democratic movement hopes to make improvements, and sell a cheaper version back to the US, where they see a fantastic market for constitutional government.

All mention of communism has been blocked, including Mao's tomb and the color red. A furious and embarrassed Communist Party ordered an investigation in the censorship, but their command was redacted by the new policy.

Some former Party leaders are resigned to their fate. “Once you let Starbucks into your country,” mused former President Hu Jintao, “you're only following the letter of the law.”

Chinese political expert Tad Lunch, describes how this tremendous blunder might have occurred. “The Communists were so obsessed by censorship, they apparently wanted the potential to censor everything: movies, music, blogs – even their own form of government.”

Eyewitnesses said that the pair of responsible censors left their office under a cloud of suspicious smoke. “We were were on our way to White Castle,” said one, who immediately burst into a fit of giggles. “Why are you asking so many questions man?” asked the other.

Journalist Shi Tao, recently released from prison, interviewed the censors, whose actions have also left the men without jobs.

“The word we were supposed to remove was communalism,” said the former censorship chief. “The two look pretty similar.”

Chinese Google Search Yields Nothing
In a related note, a Chinese web search for “Google” revealed no matches. The search engine giant has been so careful to comply with censorship laws that they have all but disappeared. Since MSN and Yahoo! have followed suit, the search engine business is wide open for competition.

 

 

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