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Fox Named Director of HenHouse Security

Posted February 24, 2005

Manual Renard has been announced as the Administration's new director of Henhouse Security. Mr. Renard is a fox, and is the first member of Genus Vulpes to be appointed to a cabinet-level position.

His family is the typical American dream story, rising out of the brink of extinction to amass wealth and success. "I've worked closely with poultry, er, chickenkind my entire life. If anyone knows how to protect them, I think I fit that bill."

Poultry advocates are concerned. "Mr. Renard cares about the foxes. He's been lobbying for the relaxation of henhouse security regulations for years," read a statement by F. Leghorn, executive director of Gallus International, a non-profit organization dedicated to the wellbeing of chickens everywhere. "The administration makes clear with this choice that it is more interested in pleasing private industry than providing security for the nation's chickens."

"Gallus International doesn't like Mr. Renard because he's a fox, plain and simple. It's racism. We should not let these bigots cloud the confirmation process," said the White House spokesman.

Mr. Renard, in his confirmation testimony, swore that his primary duty in this position was to answer to the President. As to the recent discovery of fried chicken recipes in his office, he promises, "I did not write these." The press has accepted his explanation.

Republican Senators from states with high chicken populations are expected to side with their President. The Democratic opposition, fearful of being labeled obstructionist, is expected to go along as well.

 

 

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