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Big Three Automakers Prepare for Awesome DC Road Trip

Posted December 3, 2008

1 comment posted. Read it now.

Normally summertime is when college students gas up their cars and embark on a great road trip of America, but this winter, the CEOs of the big three automakers are driving their 25 MPG hybrid to Washington, for a trip of bonding, brotherly friendship, and to ask Congress to bail out the domestic auto industry.

"It's just like On the Road," said GM CEO Rick Wagoner. "But instead of driving to New Orleans to find the true America, we're driving to Washington to find a giant pile of money."

"Iíve never done a trip like this with people I didnít know," said Ford CEO Alan Mulally about the 530 mile trip between Detroit and DC. "I'm not sure what we're going to talk about. Aside from how we plan to use all our bailout money to ship our factories offshore. And of course to pay for those pine tree-shaped car air fresheners - I heard that guy Wagoner stinks."

What would normally be complicated seating arrangements have been settled instantly. Since it's Mulally's car, he will drive, and as soon as the trip was announced Rick Wagoner called 'shotgun.' That leaves the back seat for that Chrysler guy. Mulally considered driving his personal car, which is a Lexus SUV, but thought that this might send a worse message than his arrival to Congress a few weeks ago in a corporate jet.

In addition to the usual preparations of a road trip, such as making mix tapes, stocking up on beef jerky, booze and amphetamines, and preparing answers to such probable questions as "why should we bail you out now since you've been driving your companies into the ground for the past 30 years", the three CEOs are psyching themselves up for the trip by watching classic road trip movies, such as the stoner classic Dude, Where's My Car? and its sequel, Dude, Whereís My Car Company?

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