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Filed Under Technology

8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program

Posted April 5, 2009

Internal Memo from NASA (Northkorean Association of Socialist Astronauts)

The satellite launch didn't go as well as we would have liked. In fact, it did not achieve enough altitude to see Supreme Leader's very excellent and proletarian beachfront mega-mansion so that we could get a good aerial photo of it for the web site. Which is why we are all writing this memo from prison.

The following suggestions might just help improve the technology to get a rocket into space. Or say, past the highest point on the Korean peninsula, which currently is a 3 story McDonald's theme park in Seoul.

  1. Seventy-two hour Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon not an accurate method for pre-launch planning.
  2. Divert some technology knowhow currently used to keep Supreme Leader Alive.
  3. Memorize the sequence: Only Stage One of rocket is to fall into the ocean.
  4. Threaten US with nuclear program, then ask for food. Use food aid to power rocket with one enormous rice cooker.
  5. Purchase actual Radio Shack guaranteed rocket launcher.
  6. Rename Taepodong-2 to Taepodong-Extra-Awesome-Successful-Conquerer-Can't-Touch-This
  7. Make sure Russian envoys who sell missile tech aren't laughing out loud as they run away with briefcases full of money.
  8. Pomade from Supreme Leader's magical hair might be a better source of rocketfuel: plentiful, greasy and seemingly endless.



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