Filed Under Politics
With Graduation Looming and Few Job Prospects, America Asks to Move Back In With Great Britain
Posted May 15, 2009
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As spring finally arrives and students queue up to receive degrees, America faces a down economy and an uncertain future. As a precaution, the United States has put the feelers out to Great Britain to find out if it could move back in for a while, or at least until this whole crisis blows over.
The economy has little to offer this aging nation, which admittedly spent the last four years partying and racking up debt, rather than getting prepared for the cold hard realities of post-college life.
Britain has been a little cool in response. "America wants to come back after some two hundred years? I mean, we're honored. Please don't take this the wrong way, but the US has put on a little weight since 1776. If India were still part of the back yard it would be doable, but Australia asked first and is currently sharing a bunk with Scotland."
Great Britain also suggested that if there were in fact spare room, America would have to do a lot more around the house. "America's made such a mess of its own place, we're not sure it could possibly stand up to our standards of cleanliness. Can America even do the laundry? You can't just buy new underwear all the time."
The place is a bit of a mess -- aside from empty PBR cans on the porch and unused oil derricks, the torn and faded Obama paintings on the wall are all that's left. Everything else, the last vestiges of a comfortable dorm life – have been crammed into a dingy Hummer. America's been looking at options, and has discussed going on a road trip this summer. "That's not quite as bad as being homeless, right?" asked a despondent America.
Though China has made absolutely no offers of housing, it's definitely warm to providing America with some sort of internship until things pick up.
copyright 2004-2017 G. Xavier Robillard