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Filed Under Technology

Spin from Hurricane Aftermath Threatens Disaster

Posted September 13, 2005

Washington, The National Science Center
An unusually high level of spin has caused high winds and unexpected gravitational effects in the DC area, threatening the region with disaster. The high spin levels come from all corners: state, federal, and local agencies, universities, cable news, blogs, and blogs about blogs.

Gravitational rotation, or spin, keeps the planet in orbit, and also provides sunlight for different regions of the globe throughout the day. A certain spin is normal, but increased spin generated after Hurricane Katrina threatens life in the city. Spin causes erosion of public confidence, and often ruins careers. If spin levels are high enough, they could cause a rift in the fault lines underneath Washington.

There are signs of high spin everywhere. The Washington Monument was leaning like the tower of Piza, and the trademarked Fox News "No Spin Zone" escaped the earth's orbit yesterday evening. At the very worst, enough spin could cause the planet to escape its solar orbit, reenacting several horrible science fiction shows.

A bipartisan group from Congress has released a plea to reduce critical levels of spin. "Spin is an important natural resource, which if used appropriately, can serve as a protective barrier, much like the ozone layer. With current usage of spin, there will be none left by the year 2015. To this end, we have introduced a bill to reduce spin to pre-blogging levels."

Some people contest the notion of spin at all. "If Earth were spinning, then why am I sitting on my chair right now?" queries a syndicated radio broadcaster. Says another non-scientist: "Can you see spin? I can't see spin."

FEMA, the federal agency in charge of emergency preparations, was not available for comment. Their phones were disconnected, and their offices shuttered. The White House Press Office, usually in important factor in generating spin, has also been silent, issuing a terse statement to the effect of "Blame The Media."

The Environmental Protection Agency, recently retooled to protect citizens from their environment, released a position paper: regardless of what is said in these expensive, unbiased, peer-reviewed scientific reports, we simply do not have enough information to confirm that there is a spin problem.

As often happens during major news cycles, the high volume of hot air that escapes from cable news pundits around the clock has also increased. With the addition of steamed-up bloggers and community outrage, it looks like the hot air will have a global impact, and threatens to change climate.

 

 

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