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Congress Unanimously Agrees to Summer Recess

Posted August 1, 2005

In an unusual gesture of bipartisanship, both Democrat and Republican Senators and Congressmen agreed to recess for the rest of the summer, abandoning the crucial running of the country to join the hundreds of typical Americans who get off a month in the summer. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) literally skipped away from the Capitol, happy to give up bickering for the month, and enjoy a clambake on K Street. They released the following joint statement: "Admittedly, we all get caught up with partisan rancor. But ice cream, water sports, and BBQs on our month of is something everyone enjoys."

Legislators admitted that the final bills approved by the Congress were a little rushed. "There was something about Transportation, and there might have been an Energy bill, and there was definitely something called KAFKA. Or CAFTAN," said Mike Simpson (R-ID). "I really want to get out of Washington before all the traffic, so I voted like everybody else."

Certain Democrats crossed party lines, feeling the pressure of an impending summer break. "I was going to vote against the energy bill, since it does nothing to decrease our dependence on foreign oil," said Barak Obama (D-IL), "But I heard that Senator Thune (R-SD) has a pool, and I really want him to invite me over."

Many senators from both parties, eying the Presidency in 2008, use their summer recess to try out sports that the American People can identify with. Joe Biden (D-DE) is experimenting with mountain biking. Asked if his age was a factor in learning this sport, Biden replied "George Bush must have crashed his bike seven or eight times, and the people elected him twice. I don't have to learn how to bike, I just have to learn to fall off."

Senator John Kerry (D-MA), an avid windsurfer, will try to master fly fishing, not because it is less elitist, but because its base is wealthier and more politically astute than the windsurfing cohort. Bill Frist (R-TN), out to rpove that he's just a regular guy, your average heart and lung surgeon, will spend the month perfecting his egg toss.

In their absence, President Bush has appointed John Bolton as US Ambassador to the United Nations, circumventing the constitutional confirmation process. Democrats, busy locating their sun block and mosquito repellent from last year, were none too upset that they cannot block this nomination until the meeting of the next Congress in 2007. "Hey, if the President wants to focus his time on governing, and administration of America, as well as direct its foreign policy, while I'm playing beach volleyball, that's his problem," said Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY). "That guy works too much."

Congressional staffers, who are locked underground for the month of August, are happy to spend some time not being yelled at by bosses, or cajoled by journalists. There was a large, bipartisan paper-shredding party in the late hours of July 31st, just before Federal marshals led the interns and aides to their lock down.



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