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African Nation Aspires to Become Leader in High-Tech Scams

Posted August 15, 2005

The African nation of Nigeria has announced its intent to become the global leader in high-tech fraud. Using a variety of Internet technologies, such as IP relay, online auctions, phishing, and the 419 letter, the developing nation plans to lift itself out of poverty and become a player in the international underground.

"For too long, we have wasted countless resources on clean water and vaccination," the Nigerian President said. "Now we will show the world that Nigeria can and will scam everyone. New technologies are developed every day, each with its own angle to work outside international law. Our ambition is to become the first nation to develop scams based on podcasting."

It might seem like pie in the sky to attempt to provide universal Internet crime to a population with only moderate adult literacy rates, and very low access to electricity. But the government has promised to place a short moratorium on foreign aid embezzling until there are scamming centers in every village. "This is our best bet to transfer from a rural, agrarian economy to a fraud-based system. We will not rest until every farm is a server farm!" he announced to a crowd of cheering thousands.

The Internet has revolutionized the ability to fleece people out of their money. In the past, most forms of wire fraud were highly sophisticated, available only to criminals within industrialized nations. But because of the availability of cheap servers and free email, the cost of doing illicit business has cratered.

A spokesman for the World Bank could not hide his pleasure at the announcement. "We first provided the Nigerians with the original 419 scam," he said, referring to those ubiquitous emails in which a Princess promises the recipient a cut of untold riches which are secreted away in US bank accounts. "But they've moved this to a whole new level. This could be the development model of the future."

Aid to the struggling nation is predicated on real democracy reforms. To date, the Nigerian government purchased several Diebold voting machines to streamline the electoral process. "The lack of proper auditing software complements the specific needs of our budding democracy," said a government minister.

The International Monetary Fund has announced that they will no longer fund large dam projects, and will instead focus on technology grants for identity theft and online casinos. There are also plans in Paraguay to attain 100% employment through the affiliate program.



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