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Filed Under Technology

Peak Oil: Somebody Else's Problem

Posted February 27, 2006

What is peak oil?

Peak oil describes when oil demand outstrips oil supply. Prices will skyrocket, and will trigger a collapse of the global economy.

When will this happen?

In the next fifty years. Or tomorrow. Or never.

If thereís no more oil left, canít we just get it from somewhere else?

No.

Like Canada?

No.

Is this a conspiracy to get me to vote Democrat and eat hemp?

No. That's Woody Harrelson.

So what if we run out of oil? I canít go to Jiffy Lube anymore - big deal.

Not only wonít you have Jiffy Lube, you wonít be able to buy cheap manufactured goods from China, because they will be too expensive to ship here. And since you probably live 1500 miles from where your food was grown, youíre going to starve.

Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. What were you saying?

Your iPod wonít work.

Omigod what can we do?

You might start by cutting personal energy consumption.

So thereís nothing I can do?

No.

Is peak oil a theory like evolution, or a theory like whether Jessica Simpson was cheating on Nick Lachey when they were still married?

It's a theory like gravity. Like how much it rains in Seattle. A theory like itíll hurt if I punch you in the face, or how the New York Mets will stink no matter how much money they spend building the team.

Is it possible that the bubbling hysteria around Peak Oil is symptomatic of the millennial anomie first posited by Emile Durkheim?

Youíre overthinking this.

Are there any benefits?

Youíll never have to watch figure skating or ice dancing again.

That doesnít sound so bad. What's the catch?

Youíll be too busy fending off a marauding band of post-apocalyptic warriors hell-bent on stealing your grain stores.

Isnít the government going to take care of this?

Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

What if I bury my head in the sand Ė will that help?

Only if the sand is imbued with easily extracted high grade Canadian sweet oil.

 

 

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