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Filed Under Technology
Peak Oil: Somebody Else's Problem
Posted February 27, 2006
What is peak oil?
Peak oil describes when oil demand outstrips oil supply. Prices will skyrocket, and will trigger a collapse of the global economy.
When will this happen?
In the next fifty years. Or tomorrow. Or never.
If there’s no more oil left, can’t we just get it from somewhere else?
No.
Like Canada?
No.
Is this a conspiracy to get me to vote Democrat and eat hemp?
No. That's Woody Harrelson.
So what if we run out of oil? I can’t go to Jiffy Lube anymore - big deal.
Not only won’t you have Jiffy Lube, you won’t be able to buy cheap manufactured goods from China, because they will be too expensive to ship here. And since you probably live 1500 miles from where your food was grown, you’re going to starve.
Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. What were you saying?
Your iPod won’t work.
Omigod what can we do?
You might start by cutting personal energy consumption.
So there’s nothing I can do?
No.
Is peak oil a theory like evolution, or a theory like whether Jessica Simpson was cheating on Nick Lachey when they were still married?
It's a theory like gravity. Like how much it rains in Seattle. A theory like it’ll hurt if I punch you in the face, or how the New York Mets will stink no matter how much money they spend building the team.
Is it possible that the bubbling hysteria around Peak Oil is symptomatic of the millennial anomie first posited by Emile Durkheim?
You’re overthinking this.
Are there any benefits?
You’ll never have to watch figure skating or ice dancing again.
That doesn’t sound so bad. What's the catch?
You’ll be too busy fending off a marauding band of post-apocalyptic warriors hell-bent on stealing your grain stores.
Isn’t the government going to take care of this?
Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
What if I bury my head in the sand – will that help?
Only if the sand is imbued with easily extracted high grade Canadian sweet oil.
 
copyright 2004-2024 G. Xavier Robillard
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