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Taco Bell E. coli Healthiest Item on Menu

Posted December 11, 2006

1 comment posted. Read it now.

After a thorough review of the entire Taco Bell menu, the World Health Organization has determined that E. Coli is the safest thing you can eat at any one of the chain's 5800 restaurants. Most non-infected food items have the potential to cause long term damage, and that E. Coli sickness was like a day at the spa compared to the potential damage from the dreaded chicken soft taco.

A study of recent fast food consumption traces severe sickness from the Big Beef Nacho Supreme, the Double Decker Taco Supreme, and the Fiesta Burrito. The results, recently published in the medical journal Lancet, indicate that the most likely cause of illness after eating Taco Bell is having eaten at Taco Bell. Public health authorities claim that there is no cure to TB poisoning. Many victims of the food will consume a cocktail of Bean-O, Gas-Ex, Imodium and Tums, which provides only temporary relief, and does nothing to draw the toxins out of your system.

E. Coli poisoning from Taco Bell has made recent headlines, but the WHO argues that the victims in this case were fortunate. "We believe that E. Coli bacterium successfully fought off the TB poisons," said a WHO spokesperson.

Possible complications from the restaurant include bloating, gas, blindness,lateness, kidney, heart, liver and brain failure, including hallucinations of a Spanglish-speaking Chihuahua. "We cannot say enough about the gas. The trademark Taco Bell flatus could kill a cow from a mile away."

There is a real failure in public education to deal with the TB health menace. Our children learn not to eat lead-filled paint chips, but we fail to tell them that the seven layer burrito will lead them to a seven hour bathroom break. Schools need to teach kids that one should not eat food that is cheaper than you can get from a gum ball machine.

"Taco Bell is a leading food for those suffering the 'munchies'", said the WHO representative. "Since these people are already impaired, they have no sense of the damage they have done to themselves."

The proliferation of Taco Bell foods around the world is one of the most criminally underreported form of weapons trade. Even though Saddam Hussein kept a supply of bean burritos to be used as a bioweapons attack on US forces, the discovery of this WMD was kept quiet by the Taco Bell leadership.

 

 

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