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Filed Under Technology

FAQ On The Global Warming Hoax

Posted February 5, 2007

1 comment posted. Read it now.

Why do 99.999999999999999999999% of the Earth's scientists believe in global warming?
I dispute the premise. There are entire fields of scientists who have never gone on record supporting global warming.

Like who?
Astrologists. Reflexologists. And most importantly, Scientologists. Those people study science, after all.

Okay, why do all the other scientists believe in global warming?
Have you seen what they wear? You can't trust these people.

When did the global warming hoax come about?
In the late 1970s, Greenpeace had convinced the world to stop hunting whales. Having lost the single issue that brought them the most donations, they made the preposterous claim that the earth is getting warmer.

Why would Greenpeace want to do that?
In a top-secret meeting with the world's whaling fleets, they decided to link global warming to petroleum-based emissions. If people stopped using petroleum, they'd have to switch back to whale oil. Which would be mutually beneficial to G-WHAC (the Global WHAling Consortium) and Greenpeace, who would again be able to launch significant anti-whaling fund raising campaigns.

How Does Al Gore Fit Into This?
Think about it: why would a guy pin his entire political career on the wonkiest crypto-technical issue? It's as crazy and far fetched as "Peace In the Middle East", or putting dinosaurs on the Endangered Species list. Everyone knows that Gore's father, Al Gore Sr., was a famous senator from Tennessee. But it has remained hidden that Gore's mother was the captain of a whaling vessel. Al Gore's middle initial is 'S', which is short for 'scrimshaw'. The whaling fleet is the key to modern political power.

How do you know all this?
I've spent years researching the topic. I'm lucky to receive crucial educational grants from a variety of unbiased sources who want the truth to come out.

Such As?
A few scientifically minded corporations. You probably haven't heard of them. Shmexxon. Onion Carbide. General Emissions. And Michael Crichton.

Do you have any proof?
Yes. The entire whaler-Greenpeace-blubberdiesel plot was written down in the famous Protocols Of the Pirates of Prius.

Can we see it?
No. Think about this: if you wanted to create a crisis that you wanted to make sure that nobody did anything about, you'd blame it on individuals' lifestyles. Because we know those aren't going to change. The War on Climate Change is no more likely to succeed than the War on Drugs or the War on Legwarmers.

Pretty much the entire world believes in global warming. Why don't you?
Fifty percent of the United States still believes there's a connection between Saddam Hussein and the 9/11 hijackers.

But isn't there a connection?
Yes. They're all dead.

 

 

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