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Getting Into Credit Card Debt

Posted June 4, 2007

As a new feature, All Day Coffee would like to offer financial advice. Why should you believe me or trust my hastily scribbled words? Because I have a website. You may continue reading on the condition that you do not attempt legal action.

Youíve probably heard stories about common Americans just like you who are special because theyíve gotten into credit card debt. You might wonder if you have to be some sort of financial wiz like Jimmy Buffet to be like them, but thatís not true. Getting into credit card debt is easy, fun and patriotic!

Living without debt is a sign of weakness. If you arenít willing to enjoy credit card debt, car payments, loans to bookkeepers, and at least two mortgages, you have to ask yourself: do I love America? And America, whose economic engine runs entirely on consumer spending, will answer you with a swift kick in the ass, which will hurt, because the wallet in your back pocket doesn't have enough credit cards.

Credit card debt is completely safe. A very long time ago, as possibly as long ago as the 1970ís, there were debtorís prisons. Yes, people actually went to jail for debt. Itís a pretty tricky thing, since if youíre in prison you donít have a job, which means you canít pay back your debt. President Reagan is so well loved because he released millions of people from debtorís prisons. Or mental hospitals.

First you should make sure you have enough credit cards. You went to the mailbox today, and aside from the stack of unpaid bills, there are fourteen or fifteen credit card offers. Who needs another credit card? You do! Scrutinize the offers carefully. Look for the ones with the highest APR (Awesome Prize Refund). Some cards offer a rate as high as 25%, and they're yours for the taking.

Once you have enough credit cards, there are three or four simple things you can do to get yourself on the right track:

  1. Buy a yacht.
  2. Take out a home equity loan and buy penny stocks. How could you lose? They cost pennies!
  3. Pay for graduate school.
  4. Start a war.

Paying the 'minimum' each month
It's important to remember that once you've gotten into credit card debt you have to work hard to stay there. Donít be fooled by the intimidating sound of the 'minimum payment'. Banks want you to believe that you have to pay off a minimum balance each month, but with that kind of dedicated payment, youíll be out of debt in no time. Remember: the real minimum payment is Zero, and thatís what you should give them if you want to become an established debtor.



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