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Filed Under Business

Writers Strike Complicated by Apostrophe Usage

Posted November 20, 2007

Hollywood, California

The tense negotiations in the fierce battle of worker versus company, or in this case, slacker in boxers with laptop versus limo-driving, bottled-water-addicted, talentless, vampiric producers, has come to a halt, as the membership of the Writers Guild of America (WGA) decides how to correctly use the apostrophe to describe their current strike with management.

"A very small minority is going with Writer’s Strike, said WGA president Patric Verrone. Mr. Verrone has been so impacted by the work stoppage that this brave individual has had to sell off the letter "k" in his first name. "Other Guild members believe that for the sake of solidarity and inclusivity we must use a terminal apostrophe to describe our pitched conflict. This feels right," he continued, "but I like to think of myself as a healer, and in that realm, I might trend a little more conservative than some of our writers, who are deprived of eight dollar Starbucks cappuccinos as we speak. And in this role, I'd personally like to endorse the term Writers Strike, in the case that the word "Writers" is an Adjective.

"For too long we’ve been considered an adjective," retorted Mort Balinsky, whose last job was writing for Mork and Mindy. "And I refuse to negotiate with our corporate masters until we get the apostrophe we deserve. Writers is a noun. The strike pertains to us, and we need the apostrophe as much as i need a residual from the Robin Williams Pez Dispenser."

"It's just like David Versus Goliath," one WGA spokesperson echoed. "Except in this case, David isn’t trying to kill Goliath, but merely win back four cents per DVD. We're a very reasonable David."

The mustachioed villain, Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers, Nick "Bean" Counter, was not available for comment, as he was having the diamond studded tires rotated on his platinum Hummer.

And America waits, without television, dangling, like a misplaced participle.

 

 

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