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Filed Under Politics

GOP unveils plans For Tantalizing New Slurs Against Senator Clinton

Posted December 10, 2007

The campaign trail
It's a cold day here in the town of Iowa, New Hampshire, but as the US Presidential campaign continues the rhetorical wars heat up. Just a few weeks ago a supporter of Republican John McCain referred to Senator Hillary Clinton as a "bitch". It is not yet known whether this supporter was planted by the McCain campaign, but the resulting furor has led Republican tacticians to consider increasing their attacks.

"We've tried 'tax and spend liberal', as well as Socialist," said former Bush strategist Karl Rove. "we believe it's time to up the negative attacks to truly derail her campaign." Reporters attending a conference call were astonished, then, when consultants announced plans to refer to Mrs. Clinton as the C-word.

"We haven't quite said how we'll implement the C-word," said Mike Duncan, chairman of the Republican National Committee. "It could be through a whispering campaign, or direct mail, or push polling. Maybe a former college classmate from Wellesley. What I'd like to find is a conservative Republican lesbian to call Mrs. Clinton the C-word. We've just had a hard time finding that personality," he admitted.

When reporters pressed to confirm that he was actually referring to the C-word, Duncan demurred. "I'm a gentleman," he responded. "I personally won't use that kind of language. My wife would kill me."

Republican Presidential Candidates across the board were looking forward to implementing the new slur. "I have the greatest respect for my colleague across the aisle," said Senator John McCain. "But I look forward to the C-word bringing campaign donations."

Democratic pollsters have scrambled to find an appropriate response. "It occurred to us that "Rudy" rhymes with "doodie," mentioned Clinton strategist James Carville. "But our campaign refuses to go negative."

Former Senator Fred Thompson was confused by the discussion. "I just don't understand what all the fuss is about. C-word. Do y'all mean you're going to call her a Clinton? I can't support that sort of harsh mudslinging."

 

 

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