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The State Of My Cubicle

Posted January 29, 2008

My fellow Americans,

After several months in this office, I can honestly report to you that the state of the cubicle is strong.

It is time to go over the several accomplishments of the cubicle. The cubicle stands secure, with plenty of thumb tacks on its slightly sloping walls. The computer monitor is dust-free and the carpet below is mostly unsoiled. Food particles stuck in the keyboard has fallen under 50%. For the most part, it includes bits of carrot and apple, which have replaced other, less healthful snacking options. The whiteboard contains several seemingly-important notes that could not be translated easily.

Coffee cups remain in good supply. If necessary this cubicle could provide vessels for coffee, tea, and espresso, using either ceramic mugs, metal travel cups, or rinsed-out paper cups. The cubicle's pen holder is well stocked, containing a yellow highlighter in addition to the standard red and blue ink ball point pens.

Some would complain of rampant disorganization within the cubicle. But I pledge to remove the random pile of papers for recycling, at my own expense. The industry magazines I haven't had time to read I count as a pleasant surplus, and which I bequeath to my successor.

This is my final State of the Cubicle address, for I will turn off the computer here at the office for the very last time this Thursday. From the coffee stains on the desktop everyone will understand that I have enjoyed my time here, or have at least remained alert.

When I leave this cubicle I will remove my clipped out New Yorker cartoons and my photos of warm, faraway places that I found crucial to get my mind off of my work. I hope to leave all the office supplies here, as they are, but this is an ambitious goal. The computer reference texts which I had the office manager order at considerable cost have never been read.

There is other business that I had hoped to conduct within this cubicle, but it is apparent that I will not have the good fortune to complete. For one, I will never learn to use the fax machine.

I do hope the next occupant will find the work area to be clean and mostly disease free, and I feel it important to point to several extra screws and bolts that have fallen from the desk at different times. I don't know where they go, but understand that the entire cubicle may collapse at a moments notice. Sorry about that.

Thank you and good night.



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