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Filed Under Business

Stunned By Layoffs, Economists Declare Recession

Posted March 25, 2008

After a wave of layoffs across business, government, and academic sectors, unemployed economists have issued a statement confirming that the US economy is absolutely, definitely, totally, in the toilet. The Union of Sacked Economics Dons (USED), stated that “You shouldn’t blame us that things got this bad. And we’re sorry we didn’t notice sooner.”

Former experts in the field have taken to wandering the streets of American cities and towns, sifting through garbage for scraps of data. “First my funding was cut,” said a homeless economist in Central Park, as she was carving a Phillips Curve into a maple tree. “Then my TA’s were fired. But things seemed fine. Consumer confidence was up for February. Then last week I went into work and my office was gone. Looters from sociology.

“Social science always takes a hit in a market downturn. But firing economists? It’s drastic, like firing the weatherman in the middle of a hurricane.”

The fired economists do not understand why they’re to blame. Said former Harvard professor Zoran Crampton, “Sure, there was the housing bubble burst. Then the credit crunch, and then the Fed rate cuts, high oil prices, sinking hedge funds, increased unemployment, lower consumer confidence, souring stocks, and the Bear Sterns bailout. But you put all these things together and they only indicate a small piece of the puzzle. Correlation is not causation. In fact, certain sectors are doing great. Look at pawn shops!”

“I can’t imagine it getting much worse,” continued Dr. Crampton. “At the rate economists are being fired, this could be a full-blown depression.”

However, some economist are certain that there might be some recourse to right the markets. “There are possible stimuli that might nudge the economy back on track. “I can’t really tell you what those might be,” said Dr. Kip Venkates. “But I were to get my job back, there are a great many recommendations I could make about fixing the economy.”

 

 

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