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Filed Under Politics

Presidential Caveman Debates

Posted September 29, 2008

We have Blok from the Donkey clan, and Gerg from the Elephant tribe. This is the first of our three debates, narrated by me, neanderthal Bill O'Reilly. We’ll start with Blok. What do you think about the Mastodon shortage?

Blok -- I think we need to branch out. Eat more things. Plenty of grass to eat.

O’Reilly – Gerg, your response?

Gerg – you want us eat grasses? There is enough Mastodon. All we have to do is take entire country, swim across giant lake and find plenty Mastodon.

Blok - I want to limit our country’s dependence on foreign Mastodon. Foreign Mastodon have high fat content which also no good.

O’Reilly – Next question: some pointy-headed Cro Magnons out there believe that there is an upcoming "ice age" that is likely to destroy civilization as we know it. Comments? Gerg, you first.

Gerg – me and my pals in the fur trade believe this need more study.

Blok – It’s time to adapt, evolve. To move on from our caves and reengineer our lives to face this threat.

Gerg – how can you possible think this threat? You not experienced! You not even born when I kill first Mastodon.

Blok – we know, and you can't even use the wheel either.

Gerg brandishes his club and knocks Blok over the head. Blok collapses to the floor and is taken away by his aides.

O’Reilly – well that’s it folks, with a clear victory for Gerg. We have Ploop, Blok's campaign manager, here to discuss the crushing debate loss.

Ploop – it's not really a loss for Blok. I believe that when he regains consciousness it’ll obviously be regarded as a victory.

O’Reilly – but Gerg clearly knocked him over the head with a club. How is that not winning?

Ploop - it really looked like an act of desperation. And did you see his swing? Not very presidential. Clearly not the swing of man to be elected to be commander in chief of our dinosaur army.

 

 

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