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Voters Head to Ballot Box to Hammer Final Nail into California's Coffin

Posted January 12, 2010

1 comment posted. Read it now.

Outraged by the 20 billion dollar Disneyland of debt that is California, voters in the state are driving their road rage to the ballot box, where they will vote on a multitude of ballot measures to hasten their own ruin. Some sixty of these proposed initiatives will make it to the ballot in November, each with the purpose of taking the job of writing laws away from lawmakers, who will then be freed up to carry on their own interests.

Ballot initiatives are already responsible for some of the unique problems the state faces, including the legendary Proposition Thirteen, which set the state's tax collection revenue solely on the profits from Girl Scout Cookies and a measure that gives a permanent legislative seat to Mickey Mouse.

"I'm just looking forward to see what we can do to finally derail the state of California," said Wesley Crane, the sponsor of a proposal to replace the state's constitution with the Sibley Field Guide. "Too long these elected officials, who have been put into power by people in this state with the job of enacting the will of the people who put them there, have squandered their chance to fix the system, which has already been hamstrung by other ballot measures. We can't leave the job of lawmaking to lawyers, politicians and policy experts it has to be outsourced to anyone with $200 and the ability to sign their name."

"There has been total legislative gridlock," said political consultant Bill Graft. "And perhaps the only way to undo that gridlock is to add dozens of new mandates and contradictory rules. As Thomas Jefferson once said, 'you can't make an omelet without first poisoning the well and burning down the henhouse.'"

"The ballot measure system really doesn't go far enough," said Dena Anderson, a homemaker/legislator. "Eventually we need a system when every single eligible California voter can have his or her voice heard. We can use Skype!" The amateur lawmaker then sang "People Have the Power" into the streets of San Francisco, was hit by an oncoming MUNI bus and subsequently ignored by the county ambulance, which just had its hours cut by 30 percent.

Sadly, some few important measures have yet to clear the hurdles put in place by the greedy state constitution, so mandatory drug and alcohol testing will not become law this year. There is still a chance that forcing Public Schools to Offer Christmas Music may still make its way into the Golden State's Constitution.

N.B. Though the supposed Jefferson quote runs something like "you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs," this phrase has been incorrectly attributed. The breakfast menu quote should go to V.I. Lenin. Yeah, that Lenin.

Also I did not make up the thing about forceful public school Christmas music.



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