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Republicans Guarantee Tax-free Marijuana

Posted November 3, 2010

In a stinging rebuke of tax-loving Democrats, Republicans in Oregon and California came out in record numbers to defeat each state's marijuana regulation and taxation plans. Users of the drug in both states rejoiced and inhaled the deep fragrant victory from their bowls and vaporizers, happy that they can avoid what Republican strategists labeled the "buzzkill" tax for a few more years.

"I don't want the government all up in my business," said active Oregon smoker Berkeley Reed. "I'm sure it'd be all stems and seeds instead of the high quality sensi I'm enjoying right now.

GOP Party Chairman Michael Steele commented on the tax relief. "We're pleased that the measures to regulate and tax the distribution of marijuana failed in both states. "This is about the core principles of the Republican Party: tax relief, deregulation and help for small business, whether it's the hardworking farmers and agricultural laborers growing and harvesting the mad chronic in Humboldt County California, the entrepreneurs slinging dime bags in LA or the kid with the faint mustache in the Led Zeppelin at the high school in Walnut Creek who cuts his blunts with oregano. Weed belongs to these people, not the government."

The "buzzkill" tax measures were defeated by a coalition of older, white voters who came out in great numbers, in part energized by the Tea Party. Most elder Americans on a fixed income that we spoke with admitted that they did not want to pay extra for their Purple Sweet n Sour Kushberry smoke, and admitted that they preferred scoring buds the old-fashioned way: stealing it from their grandchildren.

Democrats and pro buzzkill tax activists plan on working to get this measure back on the ballot in 2012, under the ridiculous guise that taxation and regulation of the killer green bud would make it more freely available, which is almost as ridiculous as suggesting that online music stores will somehow curb piracy.

"Americans are fed up with tax and spend socialism," said talkshow host Mama "Grizzly" Barracuda. "That smell you're smelling on the streets and alleys and dorm bathrooms right now, that's the smell of the sweet leaf of tax-free freedom."

(photo: All Day Coffee Personal Stashtm)



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