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Filed Under Technology

What is RSS?

Posted October 4, 2005

RSS is a specification for delivering updated information over the web. Bloggers, for example, use RSS feeds to allow instant updates of their newest content. RSS stands for Really Shitty Spelling, and this technology has reached version 2.0.

History
RSS .80 — Really Shitty Speying
This is a method to describe why you haven't caught any fish.
RSS .92 — Really Shitty Spelling was originally used to develop the terrible teen dramas by Aaron Spelling.
RSS 1.0 — Really Shitty Spells caused the spells of other wizards to backfire (see Harry Potter et al).

There are only a few rules for RSS

  1. Purposeful misspelling and abbreviation are encouraged. It's always better to write "UR" for "you're".
  2. It is incumbent on you, whether you're updating your homepage, or writing technical specs for a database platform, to write the text as if you're being chased by a Sabertooth tiger who's on a deadline. Speed will always benefit Really Shitty Spelling.
  3. Always use the spellchecker of from your word processing program or your cell phone, whichever you use to compose your text. The modern word spellchecking program will invariably suggest the wrong words, and miss words such as "it's" and "its".

A few variants exist for RSS 2.0.

Offshore Dialect
This is used by Indian-born programmers and customer service reps. It is not the fault these workers, who are quite capable, but rather that they have been taught English by poorly educated American college grads who are the reason all of these jobs have moved offshore in the first place, and would totally rather be vibing to some Goa Trance, dude, but have seriously run out of fundage.

Leetspeak is a symptom of a very mild form of Aspergers, shared by many computer hackers, who are compelled to spell words like 'elite' as "7337". Many are functionally illiterate, and rely heavily on RSS to communicate, but this theory cannot be proved since they have hacked into their school databases and changed their grades.

Blogorrhea
Whether you're a blogger working for a major company, or you need to update a site for the vast readership who lives in your house, the modern blogger relies heavily on RSS. RSS for Bloggers involves an incredibly huge amount of text written in an incredibly short time. Blogging is so future-centric and focused on the meme that there's no looking back, because by the time you rewrite a word, the post could have lost relevance, and there's no chance for yo9u to become the next Wonkette.

Really Shitty Spelling is a cornerstone of the information economy, as misspelled words are often confused by laypersons as jargon. Since jargon is not readily understood by office workers, a higher premium is placed on tech workers. As long as they continue to both misspell words and create new jargon, based on other misspelled words, high tech employees will continue to enjoy job security.

 

 

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