MPAA Movie Ratings Generator

American Drivers Discover Extra Seats in Cars

The O'Reilly France Boycott: Three Years Later


Find me on Twitter

Find me on Facebook

Filed Under Life

City Smackdown: Boston Vs Portland

Posted May 11, 2009

2 comments posted. Read them now.

Just over two years ago I moved from Portland, Oregon to Boston, Massachusetts. Or I was kidnapped, by my own wanderlust. Hard to say. To say that I missed Portland, Land of the Freak and Home of the Dazed, was an understatement. And it was not always easy to accustom myself to life in New England winning sports teams, for example.

To celebrate my new home I created a city smackdown, and each of the two competitions (part I, part II) was more or less tilted in favor of my new town.

After this two year experiment I'm hitching up the covered wagon (Subaru) to the team of horses (chocolate Lab) and returning to Oregon. As part of the trip, I'll be visiting independent bookstores along the way. Check back next week for updates on the trip. But right now I have to tell it like it is.


Boston: The greater Boston area is well known to be diverse, attracting people from across the globe.

Portland: This is an incredibly diverse town: there are hipsters AND hippies.
Advantage: Portland


Boston: I was never a fan of the Celtics until I moved to town, since it felt like being a Yankees fan, but they'd been terrible for a while so I adopted them, thinking it'd be easy to get tickets for such a bad team. That was the season they won the 2008 Championship.

Portland: the Jailblazers had long since broken my heart and various laws and statutes too many times. Even though I return to the Pacific Northwest I'll remain a C's fan.
Advantage: Boston


Boston is the center of the Dunkin Donuts universe, which have been a part of my heart and lipids since childhood.

Portland: Voodoo Donuts, an independent concern, offers a maple bar with a rasher of bacon on top. I'm not making this up.
Advantage: Portland

Street signs

Boston: Boston feels absolutely no responsibility to let you know where you are at any time.

Portland: Not only are there signs at every intersection, there are signs halfway down the block warning you what cross street you're approaching. This is key in a town where people drive stoned a lot.
Advantage: Portland

Theme Song

Boston's unofficial theme, or at least that of the Red Sox, is "Dirty Water." You have to love a town that embraces the toxicity of the Charles River.

Portland: no theme of which I'm aware (please correct me in the comments if you must).
Advantage: Boston

Number of freaking hours it takes to get a sandwich around here.
What, you growing those organic sprouts yourself?

Advantage: Boston

Boston drivers, in general, use their cars not defensively, but as a weapon, the weapon being perhaps a 12-gauge shotgun to mow down a bunch of zombies in the way.

Portland drivers slow down at intersections that don't have stop signs. Think about that for a minute. A long, slow minute.
Advantage: Portland

Portland wins! Please don't gloat, Stumptown, you're already so "hep" you're in the New York Times every week.Keep it real or I'll have to move to Portland Maine or some other town which totally hasn't sold out yet, man.



Comment On This Story Comments are moderated to prevent spam.
Your Name (required)

Your Email (required, not published)

Your Site (optional)

permalink this story

RSS Feed

(add your email to the mailing list)

Stuff You Buy.

G is for Gangsta (comedy album)


Captain Freedom (novel)

Buy it at Amazon, Powell's or your favorite Indie.

Politics | Toys | Tech | Life | Business | Publications | Bio | Links | Home