Homeland Security Detains Terror Mastermind King Tut
Posted June 27, 2005
A major victory in the Global War on Terror (GWOT) was announced yesterday when Homeland Security apprehended Egyptian terror-lord Tutankhamen, who was discovered in LA at an art exhibit. The mummy was taken into custody, ending a 3000 year reign of terror.
Unlike most terrorist leaders, Tut was able to exact his deadly vengeance from beyond the grave. His enormous collection of gold and jewels allowed him to finance an enormous terror network, dedicated to the restoration of the Pharaoh and the annihilation of the enemies of Ra.
Very little is known about this man who was "born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia". Although his Arizona connection has not been established, it is known that ancient Babylon is in present-day Iraq, so it is strange that King Tutankhamen ended up in Egypt. Such international travel seems to indicate a terror leader who was always on the move. He first appeared in this country some thirty years ago, wearing a golden mask to hide his identity.
Beguiled by his golden charms, federal agents at the time did not understand that the boy king "Tut" was actually the Mummy Tutankhamen, and allowed him to slip back to Egypt, having done untold damage to the psyche of Americans everywhere. His mind control was so complete that comedian Steve Martin was forced to write a song proclaiming his glory. Mr. Martin has been taken in for questioning.
Mummies have terrorized the civilian populace for several millennia. In addition to their strangling death grip, several Mummyist groups are known for the Curse of the Mummy – a brutal act of terror which will kill anyone who desecrates their final resting place.
"We've ended his reign of evil," proclaimed a joyous Homeland Security spokesperson, who indicated that the department has since changed the terror warning color to mauve. "In our hope of hopes, we believe this arrest will bring safety to our shores, and might terminate the series of Mummy films involving Brendan Fraser, which is an important aspect of our strategy to win the hearts and minds of the Muslim world."
copyright 2004-2017 G. Xavier Robillard