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Filed Under Politics

House Immigration Bill Expels Irish, Jews, Portuguese, Finns, Italians, Germans, Others

Posted April 19, 2006

The US House of Representatives voted to enact a sweeping immigration reform program, removing most non-Anglo-Saxon persons, regardless of citizenship. The mass ex-migration is expected to be complete just before November's midterm elections. Entitled the Clean America Act, the law will provide specific protection to those citizens whose ancestors arrived on the Mayflower. With the borders now permanently sealed, the Republican-controlled House declared that this is a great American victory for America.

Using the little-known White Supremacy Clause of the Constitution, the House has maneuvered to pass this bill into law without consulting the President or Senate. "We've lost enough jobs and farmland to the Finns who came to this country a hundred years ago," said House Speaker Dennis Hastert. He expects a reparations program for disenfranchised Anglos.

Massive Loophole Called "Legal Immigration"
Many so-called citizens have been in this country for quite some time, their ancestors having slipped into this country via 'legal immigration', a bizarre, misunderstood legal notion. "Our forefathers never meant for 'your tired, your poor' to stay past the weekend," explained Congressman Hastert. "But they were too polite to kick them out."

Crammed on small steamer ships headed around the globe, most Americans are only just realizing the complexity of their legal status, and seem to be in shock to be without a country. Former American Senator John Kerry said that he plans to launch a filibuster from his new home in Ireland, but believes prospects for victory are slim.

Even Tom DeLay, former hatchet man for the ruling party, has been censored and told to re-locate. "We cannot support lawmakers with Gaullist sympathies," Hastert said, alluding to DeLay's murky origin. Unlike other Congressmen, who have been repatriated to their mother countries, France has barred DeLay from claiming citizenship.

Interestingly, the one group that was spared deportation was the large population of illegal laborers from Mexico. "Somebody has to clean my pool," said Congressman John Doolittle, Republican of California, "and I have documents to prove that Americans don't want these jobs." Doolittle added a rider to the Immigration Act, changing the name of California to West Anglia.

Upon passage of the bill, victorious representatives sang a rousing rendition of We Are The Champions and retired to the cloak room, where they will watch the director's cut of Birth Of A Nation.

 

 

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