all day coffee    
weekly humor and satire - g. xavier robillard
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All Day Coffee tries to provide you, the readers, with sarcasm, irony, satire, and general merriment at the lightning pace of once a week. New stories appear every Monday.
Unless I'm tired.
Or on vacation.
Or washing my hair.

most recent drivel appears at page top.
More is available here.

  1. FIFA Power Rankings for World Cup Soccer Team Names
    description: A Rose by any other Name
    June 9, 2014

  2. FIFA Rankings for World Cup Slogans
    description: Not Picked: We will drive the ball so far down your keeper's throat he'll find it tomorrow in his shoes
    May 18, 2014

  3. Explaining to Mindy Kaling Why Men Take So Long To Tie Our Own Shoes
    description: Mansplaining relationships
    April 6, 2014

  4. This Millennial Won't Buy Your Health Insurance
    description: Newest pub!
    March 5, 2014

  5. Live Comedy - Mystery Box, Brody Theatre - ESS. EEE. EX.
    description: Gross little comic story about porn and technology
    August 17, 2013

  6. Late Night with Alex Falcone
    description: local late night action without pesky TVs or national audience!
    January 19, 2013

  7. Live On Doctor Radio (podcast)
    description: Meets up old and new boston friends
    November 24, 2012

  8. Dear President Obama: I'm sorry about the Kenya thing
    description: just before the presidential election I set the record straight
    November 5, 2012

  9. Deadfellas Halloween Bash
    description: A spooky Halloween
    October 31, 2012

  10. Nutritional Guidelines for Disney Characters
    description: Be like Tigger you sad bear
    July 2, 2012

  11. Arizona to Cover Up Grand Canyon's Unseemly Lady Parts
    description: World's Largest Nacho Bowl
    May 14, 2012

  12. SCIENCE: Proof Dinosaurs and Humans did not coexist
    description: I repeat, sicence
    May 3, 2012

  13. The Gross new Political Action Committee from Rick Santorum
    description: Yep: he didn't check the spelling
    January 27, 2012

  14. Publication in McSweeneys
    description: if you aren't outraged you haven't read it yet
    January 26, 2012

  15. New Writers! Shake the Multiple Personality Disorder
    description: Learn how to write from one POV first.
    November 15, 2011

  16. Live Storytelling at Anecdotal Evidence
    description: More Washington-state live hooey
    October 27, 2011

  17. Atheneum Reading 2011
    September 25, 2011

  18. Literary Death Match -- Portland, Episode 2
    description: See authors... bloody
    September 8, 2011

  19. Leaked Obama Job Plan calls to "Burn Down the Country and Collect the Insurance Money."
    description: It works for Detroit
    September 8, 2011

  20. Them's Fightin' Words (Willamette Week story)
    description: Portland writers talk smack before Literary Death Match.
    September 6, 2011

  21. To Prepare for Hurricane Irene, America's Mayors Urge Residents of Northeast Cities to 'Start Looting Now'
    description: Hurricane Preparation for the Modern Age
    August 25, 2011

  22. Hustings Hustler: Iowa Straw Poll Draws Blood
    description: And introducing the NASCAR Suppository
    August 17, 2011

  23. Hustings Hustler: GOP Rocks the Granite State
    description: Learn about the 2nd GOP debate, Herman Cain's weed plan, and all the shadow candidates running to replace Barack Obama.
    June 19, 2011

  24. Blood in the Sand: the 2012 Republican Primary Candidates
    description: Meet some people who really want jobs at Fox News
    May 9, 2011

  25. Love Advice from a Star Wars Nerd
    description: it's not the Force that needs to be with you
    April 28, 2011

  26. Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
    description: once again exporting humor across the Columbia River
    February 24, 2011

  27. The Nervous Breakdown: Portland Vs Portlandia
    description: Too many writers writing about the IFCs new show
    February 11, 2011

  28. The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience - Comedy Reading
    description: at the Hall of Records
    January 30, 2011

  29. Fiction Reading at Canvas Art Bar
    description: reading with Rough Copy
    January 26, 2011

  30. G is for Gangsta: Free Download
    description: try before you buy
    January 13, 2011

  31. The Nervous Breakdown: My Own Personal Tax Haven
    description: I wasn't sure I wanted to trust the Panamanians but I wanted to show Panama that I'm not some punk college kid anymore. I was clearly a criminal mastermind.
    November 22, 2010

  32. McSweeney's Article: My Addiction Memoir
    description: a book proposal about an addiction I don't have.
    November 12, 2010

  33. Republicans Guarantee Tax-free Marijuana
    description: Smell the sweet leaf of tax-free freedom
    November 3, 2010

  34. The Funniest Reasons You Hate me
    description: Video: the most terrible comments about my writing
    October 31, 2010

  35. Listen to the title track for G is for Gangsta FREE
    description: the whitest hiphop ever
    October 25, 2010

  36. Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2010
    description: Enjoy Portland's Festival of Books
    October 9, 2010

  37. Announcing October's Hottest Comedy Album: G is for Gangsta
    description: Coming to internets soon!
    October 5, 2010

  38. You Can't Lower Taxes and the Deficit... Dummy!
    description: econ 101
    September 23, 2010

  39. Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
    description: A storytelling series in Vancouver Washington
    September 23, 2010

  40. Writing Advice from the First Grade
    description: Memorize this!
    September 17, 2010

  41. How to Pick a New Favorite Team When You Know Nothing About Football
    description: first remove teams who won anything
    September 13, 2010

  42. Rand Paul's Rules of Rulemaking
    description: If you want someone not to vote for you, vote for me
    August 5, 2010

  43. A Comedy Class Where You Won't Learn to be Funny
    description: I promise, not funny at all.
    August 5, 2010

  44. Fiction Reading at Springbox
    description: new work
    July 14, 2010

  45. Novelist Signs a Deal with Nike
    description: 300 pages in 30 minutes
    July 10, 2010

  46. Up up and way, way away
    description: Article about Captain Freedom's theatrical adaptation
    July 2, 2010

  47. How Americans Should Choose a World Cup Soccer Team
    description: a handy unbiased guide (Allez Les Bleus)
    June 14, 2010

  48. Scandal Score - America's Top Game Show
    description: Where we see who can handle scandle
    May 18, 2010

  49. Blunt 18 - Net Neutrality
    description: Save the internet?
    April 19, 2010

  50. World's Stoners Devastated To Learn Alice in Wonderland is About Math
    description: This can only be seen as retribution for being uncool.
    March 15, 2010

  51. Blunt Episode 5: Apple vs. Amazon
    description: in which I go Hendrix on my laptop.
    February 8, 2010

  52. A Vote for Taxes is a Vote for Having Nice Things
    description: Also known as, Don't be California
    January 25, 2010

  53. Voters Head to Ballot Box to Hammer Final Nail into California's Coffin
    description: Tax on Girl Scouts must be profitable enough!
    January 12, 2010

  54. Technology Predictions 2010
    description: Also, b00bies!
    January 4, 2010

  55. Everything You Need to Know about ClimateGate Email Scandal
    description: Except the fact that stealing emails is politics masquerading as journalism
    December 7, 2009

  56. Goldman Sachs Apologizes For Things and Stuff
    description: Issued nine-point plan to more sensitively evict Grandmas and Close Orphanages
    November 23, 2009

  57. Moderately Amusing Website Wishes Itself a Happy Fiver!
    description: All Day Coffee is now in Kindergarten
    November 11, 2009

  58. Live Wire Radio: Wordstock and the Ultimate Nerdoff, available as Podcast
    description: Feel free to throw popcorn at your computer screen to simulate the live experience
    October 26, 2009

  59. Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2009
    description: Enjoy Portland's annual festival of books.
    October 11, 2009

  60. Appearance: Live Wire Radio's Ultimate Nerd-off
    description: been training with back issues of the X-men
    October 10, 2009

  61. Washington Times Startling Discovery: Nerds Like Porn
    description: yep, we said titillating.
    October 1, 2009

  62. Fall Fiction Class
    description: Teaching Fiction at the Attic in Portland
    September 27, 2009

  63. Truth, Justice, and Rehab: Captain Freedom, a Truly Modern Hero
    description: an interview with satire site Check Please!
    September 15, 2009

  64. Alternative Names for the Public Option
    description: I hope they pick the cool-aid man
    September 14, 2009

  65. Captain Freedom - The Book club
    description: a discussion of the novel with the Portland Local reading group
    August 12, 2009

  66. FAQ About Woodstock (from someone who was not yet born)
    description: I remember it like I was there, man.
    August 10, 2009

  67. Unheard of, Heretofore Useless Economic Indicator Nudges Forward, Possibly Signaling Change
    description: Nobody knows for sure without further study
    August 3, 2009

  68. It's Sleestak Vs SPECTRE In PA Primary
    August 3, 2009

  69. Voodoo Doughnut Reading Party
    description: Come for the doughnuts, stay for the authors
    August 1, 2009

  70. True Stories at Mississippi Studios
    description: a night of embarrassing non-fiction & live music
    July 30, 2009

  71. Anecdotal Health Care
    description: Your New Solution in Anecdote-based Care
    July 27, 2009

  72. Job Hunting Tips in the Facebook Age
    description: Don't Post Those Mechanical Bull Pics. Unless...
    July 6, 2009

  73. How to Become an Iran Expert
    description: Persian Pundrity Is as Easy as Setting Up a Twitter Account
    June 22, 2009

  74. How to setup a proxy for Iranian citizens (for Windows!)
    description: did not write- just a reprint
    June 16, 2009

  75. FAQ on the Digital Switch
    description: If you still have ten digits this is totally normal.
    June 15, 2009

  76. G. Xavier Robillard comes back home
    description: a brief mention in Reading Local
    June 15, 2009

  77. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Montana to Oregon
    description: a stop at Missoula, aka chilltown USA
    June 3, 2009

  78. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Minneapolis and Fargo
    description: Is that your Accomplice in the Wood Chipper?
    May 22, 2009

  79. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Lansing And Chicago
    description: The Tour D'Store
    May 21, 2009

  80. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Buffalo and Ann Arbor
    description: A tour of the great lakes cities
    May 19, 2009

  81. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Pandemonium Books
    description: hanging out with the Magic and the Daemons
    May 17, 2009

  82. With Graduation Looming and Few Job Prospects, America Asks to Move Back In With Great Britain
    description: British Wonders if America Will Start Doing Its Own Laundry
    May 15, 2009

  83. From Pandemonium to Powell's - Great American Tour d'Store
    description: 8 States, 8 Stores, 3300 miles
    May 14, 2009

  84. City Smackdown: Boston Vs Portland
    description: Which city can be the victor?
    May 11, 2009

  85. To Combat Image Problems, Mexico Changes Name to Steve
    description: You cannot say "Mexico" without saying "sick."
    May 4, 2009

  86. Free Comic Book Day Contest!!!
    description: win a copy of Captain Freedom
    May 2, 2009

  87. GOP Demands Giant Border Wall to Combat Mexican Swine Flu
    description: Media, politicians are prepared to create as much hype as possible to handle the coming panic
    April 28, 2009

  88. MySpace Suicide Epidemic Sweeps Nation, Worrying Parents, Educators, MySpace
    description: Teen Boredom, Poor Layouts Lead to Users Fleeing Social Networking Site
    April 22, 2009

  89. Reed Next's Next Read
    description: TBA
    April 20, 2009

  90. Stumptown Comix Fest
    description: Portland's littlest Con
    April 19, 2009

  91. Making it Funny, Comedy for Old and New Media
    description: A lecture on comedy at SUNY Oswego
    April 14, 2009

  92. READING AND DISCUSSION: Author and Humorist G. Xavier Robillard on Captain Freedom
    description: A performance at SUNY Oswego
    April 13, 2009

  93. 8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program
    description: Please, stop letting Supreme Leader in the Chem Lab
    April 5, 2009

  94. How to Record An Effective Podcast
    description: First thing: make sure you have a sexy, sexy voice
    March 30, 2009

  95. Unusable Signal interviews Captain Freedom
    description: Hear the Captain on air!
    March 28, 2009

  96. My Stalker In Telecom
    description: Running A Business Like A Lovesick Schoolboy
    March 23, 2009

  97. History Obama Could Learn From: How FDR Beat King Kong
    description: A Secret History of the First 100 days
    March 17, 2009

  98. NPR: A Superhero for a Self-Absorbed Society
    description: includes live podcasts on NPR
    March 17, 2009

  99. Unusable Signal interviews G. Xavier Robillard
    description: Hear the author in a tubes interview
    March 14, 2009

  100. 7 Practical Ways To Cheat Death At the Hands of your Enemies
    description: Things we picked up from watching 24
    March 12, 2009

  101. Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
    March 3, 2009

  102. Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
    description: G. Xavier Robillard reads from Captain Freedom, "Forced Out."
    March 3, 2009

  103. Ask the Superhero: Unicorn Or Narwhal
    description: The serious biologist asks who would win in a fight
    March 2, 2009

  104. Boston Edge Reviews Freedom
    description: A fun write up in the Edge. Not the U2 guitarist.
    March 1, 2009

  105. Captain Freedom - He's No Superman
    description: A review by the Baltimore Sun
    February 27, 2009

  106. GOP’s Boehner Continues Stand Against Wimpy Americans
    description: GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Some Place Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and Everyone Pulls Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps) has criticized the Democratic Party for offering American
    February 26, 2009

  107. Tech Support Script #15: So You Swallowed Your Blackberry
    description: Every Blackberry owner should read this
    February 25, 2009

  108. The Price of Freedom
    description: An interview iwith the Portsmouth WIre
    February 19, 2009

  109. The Seven Levels of Nerdgasm
    description: A Fanyboy Awaits the Watchmen Movie
    February 17, 2009

  110. Captain Freedom: the Novel, Excerpts and Spin-offs
    description: oh yeah there's a blog too!
    February 11, 2009

  111. Kirkus' Review of Captain Freedom
    description: Kirkus gives a little love
    January 30, 2009

  112. George Bush Reflects on Last Eight Years as Baseball Commissioner
    description: Remembering the Presidential Defiler
    January 19, 2009

  113. G. Xavier Robillard Wins 4th Annual HumorFeed Competition
    description: Oddly, Coffee-related site wins prize with story about... coffee!
    January 15, 2009

  114. Ghostwriter Responds to Superhero's Allegations
    description: Admits he may have made up some things.
    January 12, 2009

  115. Super Personality Test - What Kind of Hero Are You?
    description: Find Out if You Can Be Trusted with the Keys to the Company Nukes
    January 11, 2009

  116. MPAA Movie Ratings Generator
    description: Learn Why the Secret Cabal Really Rated That Film PG-13 - Was it the Hobbit Tickling?
    January 10, 2009

  117. Captain Freedom Vents About New Memoir
    description: The Official Book Trailer
    January 2, 2009

  118. Everything You Need To Know about Professional Athletes and Guns
    description: a brief FAQ so you can better understand the relationship between weapons and professional athletes.
    December 9, 2008

  119. Big Three Automakers Prepare for Awesome DC Road Trip
    description: Ford CEO decided Driving his Lexus Sent Wrong Message
    December 3, 2008

  120. A Boxing Day Retail Boycott
    description: We should systematically target those retailers who refuse to celebrate Boxing Day.
    November 25, 2008

  121. Franken, Coleman Vote Counting Disrupted by Lizard People
    description: Will Reptiles be Our New Minnesota Senator?
    November 21, 2008

  122. Obama's Diplomatic Skills Threatened by Very Ugly Dog
    description: Malia's allergies will be fine, because the Peruvian hairless is ugly enough to clear the room.
    November 17, 2008

  123. Canada Completely Unprepared for Arrival of Angry Democrats
    description: There are Coast Guard ships but not nearly enough to stop the Freedom Yachts that are ready to embark from Seattle
    November 4, 2008

  124. Joe The Plumber to become Joe the Country Star?
    description: Or Joe the Country Fish
    October 31, 2008

  125. Conservatives Accidentally Bankroll Obama to Prove a Point About Online Donation Fraud
    description: If you want to be anonymous do you have to call yourself Anonymous?
    October 29, 2008

  126. Ralph Nader Wins Something!
    description: but not a 5000 foot sandwich
    October 28, 2008

  127. 6 Ways You Know Democrats Love Socialism
    description: because Joe the Plumber might actually have to pay his back taxes
    October 27, 2008

  128. Google CEO Searches Obama + Me + Cabinet Position
    description: What will Search bring to America?
    October 21, 2008

  129. The Presidential Candidates' Middle Names
    description: I'm looking at you, John S. McCain
    October 16, 2008

  130. The Superhero Lifestyle
    description: a monologue recorded in Oakland, CA
    October 3, 2008

  131. Presidential Caveman Debates
    description: Yet Another Debate Performance Response
    September 29, 2008

  132. Understanding Freddie And Fannie: Bloated Mortgage Giants, or Just Misunderstood?
    description: Answering the important question: which would win in a fight?
    September 8, 2008

  133. Republicans Become the Party Party
    description: The only risky activity the GOP refuses to condone is "heavy vetting"
    September 4, 2008

  134. Batman Movie Sparks Real Crime Spree
    description: We recommend if you're planning to see Batman multiple times, you should make sure a trusted neighbor is picking up your mail
    July 29, 2008

  135. 6 Ways Airlines Could Make Some Serious Money
    description: You will have the chance to get a signed photograph of your airline lobbyist in a lovely frame ($100).
    July 14, 2008

  136. 7 Dangerous Technologies You Can Still Use While Driving Under California Cellphone Ban
    description: Should you survive the accident, your ability to communicate will already be so hampered by texting that the paramedics who comes to your aid will determine you brain dead.
    July 8, 2008

  137. Electrical Storms Disrupt Blogging
    description: Blogger Determined to Understand Mystical Connection Between Electricity, Internet
    June 30, 2008

  138. Obama Campaign Vets Summer Vacation Plans
    description: Attempting to Avoid the Windsurfing Debacle of 2004
    June 17, 2008

  139. Stop The Presses – Dick Cheney Apologizes!
    description: Cheney's gaffe hits on a sensitive topic, as support for the Bush Administration's War on Incest has become critically low
    June 4, 2008

  140. Osama Scolds Dunkin For Rachel Ray
    description: Very few people even know that "queda" is Arabic for "jelly roll"
    May 28, 2008

  141. Understanding Today's Pirates
    description: Do all modern pirates dress like Keith Richards?
    May 5, 2008

  142. Measuring Windows Vista’s Impact on the Superhero world
    description: Breaking News On How a Bad OS can effect superhuman computing
    April 20, 2008

  143. Sex Toy Industry Pays for Billions Spent on Unwed Mothers
    description: New welfare programs include free day care and Cadillac trade-ins
    April 18, 2008

  144. City Smackdown: Portland Versus Boston Rematch
    description: Which one is better? It all comes down to whether you prefer volcanoes or redheads.
    April 15, 2008

  145. Iraqi Army Replicates US, British Failures in Basra
    description: Homegrown army's ability to lose portends US troop withdrawals.
    April 7, 2008

  146. Stunned By Layoffs, Economists Declare Recession
    description: Unemployed economists have issued a statement confirming that the US economy is absolutely, definitely, totally, in the toilet
    March 25, 2008

  147. Vatican Discovers New Ways to Send You To Hell
    description: New sins listed by Holy See include pollution, drug abuse, and tailgating
    March 11, 2008

  148. I Also Have 35 Years Experience
    description: I wanted a bold new, dry feeling, even if that caused me to sit bare assed on the changing table.
    March 3, 2008

  149. All Day Coffee takes on the Plastic Bag Menace
    description: Telling You everything you need to know about plastic bags
    March 2, 2008

  150. Ask the Superhero Vol II: What is a Superdelegate
    description: Democrats had a difficult time herding their delegates, for delegates are wily, and prone to blend into the upholstery
    February 26, 2008

  151. Presidential Smackdown: Action Hero Debate
    description: In addition to Chuck Norris endorsing Mike Huckabee, we’ve heard from Hulk Hogan (Barack Obama), Lucy Lawless (Hillary Clinton), and Sylvester Stallone (John McCain)
    February 12, 2008

  152. The State Of My Cubicle
    description: I have enjoyed my time here, or have at least remained alert.
    January 29, 2008

  153. Baristas Claim Obama's Coffee Not Black Enough
    description: Other Candidates Attack Weak Coffee Position
    January 14, 2008

  154. Writers Strike Cripples Pornography Industry
    description: We need fresh titles before people realize they've been watching the same thing over and over.
    January 2, 2008

  155. New Years Greeting
    description: Take Care Of Technology
    January 2, 2008

  156. GOP unveils plans For Tantalizing New Slurs Against Senator Clinton
    description: Plans include calling Hillary the C-word
    December 10, 2007

  157. Writers Strike Complicated by Apostrophe Usage
    description: The nation dangles like a participle
    November 20, 2007

  158. Understanding Food Labels You Might Encounter At Whole Foods
    description: As in a human co-op, any new members deemed unsatisfactory or weak are pecked to death.
    November 8, 2007

  159. Announcing my Earbud Disability
    description: Nobody should suffer their earbud falling out
    November 4, 2007

  160. Utter Wonder Humor Reading Series
    description: I'll be reading some pages of the funnies in Cambridge, MA
    October 29, 2007

  161. Using Blackwater Contractors to Remodel my House was a Poor Idea
    description: Instead of nail guns, they like to use gun guns, which is really rough on the sheet rock.
    October 15, 2007

  162. Highlights from the SysAdmin’s Keychain
    description: What do they have on the mass of metal attached to the fanny pack?
    October 7, 2007

  163. Storyboarding Bin Laden
    description: Al Qada hints at an upcoming Bin Laden video that is mysteriously stalled in pre-production
    September 24, 2007

  164. Parents Relieved That Newborn Isn't Illegal Alien
    description: The small infant looked American, but it would be hard to tell without extensive DNA testing.
    September 17, 2007

  165. Dieting Book Proposal
    description: This Ain't Southbeach, Sweet Cheeks
    September 11, 2007

  166. California Promises a Car Seat for All Ages
    description: Childhood no longer ends with college graduation
    September 4, 2007

  167. Peanut Doping Scandal Rocks Little League Championship
    description: Turns out, boogers had no effects on pitching ability
    August 28, 2007

  168. Congressional Recall
    description: Keep the Congress away from small children, as individual pieces have been found with screws loose that may constitute a choking hazard.
    August 19, 2007

  169. Field Guide To Toddler Calls
    description: A quick trip to the emergency room should clarify the nature of the problem
    August 13, 2007

  170. Rolling Stone Profiles A Suburban Dad
    description: To cope with wild nights, full of screaming and vomiting at all hours he developed a serious substance abuse problem with what he calls the Suburban speedball
    August 7, 2007

  171. Help Wanted: Personal Assistant
    description: You're detail-oriented, like remembering what mile maker of which freeway did I crash the car into the guardrail and abandon
    July 30, 2007

  172. iPhone Battery Replacement Policy
    description: How to replace the iPhone Battery, which will last a good deal longer than Uncle Irwin's electroshock therapy
    July 23, 2007

  173. Tour The New White House Press Room
    description: Enjoy our new smoke and mirrors
    July 16, 2007

  174. Live Earth Raises Awareness, Ticket Prices
    description: Global Warming Sells Unbelievable Amount of Merch
    July 9, 2007

  175. Fireworks Recall FAQ
    description: No refunds for safe fireworks
    July 4, 2007

  176. What Not To Mix With Sunscreen
    description: Dangerous Sunscreen Mixers
    June 18, 2007

  177. Bacteria Lobby For Extension of Five Second Rule
    description: Scum receive help from lobbyists
    June 12, 2007

  178. Getting Into Credit Card Debt
    description: A Debtful Life Could Be Yours
    June 4, 2007

  179. Protesting High Gas Prices
    description: What Would Lincoln Drive? Oh wait that's obvious
    May 29, 2007

  180. DIY Resignation Letter
    description: A form letter to let people know why you've left.
    May 21, 2007

  181. Drugs Stage Intervention for Pete Doherty
    description: The drugs are concerned with the direction Doherty's life has been taking
    May 14, 2007

  182. Homeland Security's Are You Safe To Fly? Terrorist Fun Quiz
    description: Eyes on your own paper!
    May 7, 2007

  183. How Aging Rockers Stay Alive
    description: It's not just snorting their ancestors
    May 1, 2007

  184. Five Ways To Save the Earth (and take advantage of hot savings)
    description: Earth Day Wishes from Industry
    April 22, 2007

  185. President Bush Threatens Sanctions On Congressional Democrats
    description: Democrats would be deprived of salaries, health insurance, food aid, the Sunday New York Times, and National Public Radio interviews
    April 19, 2007

  186. City Smackdown: Boston Vs. Portland
    description: Hot Postal Workers or Sarcasm? You be the judge
    April 2, 2007

  187. Leading Democratic Candidates As Liberal As Jesus
    description: "These politicians are so close to Christ they're way out of the mainstream."
    March 26, 2007

  188. Eat Your Vegetables – A Government Conspiracy
    description: Only 57,000 ketchup packets til you hit your quota
    March 19, 2007

  189. Five Deadly Household Items (that will kill you sooner or later)
    description: You'd be better off drinking gasoline from a lead canteen.
    March 11, 2007

  190. Terrorists Cannot Decide on 2008 Presidential Candidate
    description: The primary season has just begun, but none of the candidates have distinguished themselves as the type to ignite worldwide jihad.
    February 26, 2007

  191. A Review of the New CAFE Standards
    description: Does Herbie pay 3 bucks a gallon?
    February 24, 2007

  192. President's Day eCards, Volume II
    description: Is Washington Your First Love?
    February 20, 2007

  193. Bloggers Root Out Liberal Crossword Editor
    description: Next, the classifieds.
    February 15, 2007

  194. Secrets of the Senate Revealed
    February 12, 2007

  195. FAQ On The Global Warming Hoax
    description: The War on Climate Change is no more likely to succeed than the War on Legwarmers
    February 5, 2007

  196. Five Instruments Not Invited Back to Rock and Roll
    description: It's perfect for polka, but is it right for rock?
    January 29, 2007

  197. Health Insurance Coverage Generator
    description: Tell us your symptoms, and we'll explain your coverage.
    January 22, 2007

  198. My Stroller Is Better Than Yours
    description: An Infant Point-counterpoint
    January 15, 2007

  199. Lindsay Lohan's Doctor Removes Appendix, Stomach
    description: Lohan looks forward to a future in which she doesn't have to worry about drinking on an empty stomach.
    January 8, 2007

  200. Top Five Wars of 2006
    description: There were both arthouse surprises and old standbys in the past year's bloody conflicts
    December 29, 2006

  201. Sony Sues Santa
    description: Sony Corporation has announced plans for a suit against Santa Claus, for illegally shipping the Playstation 3
    December 26, 2006

  202. Axis of Evil to Divorce
    description: Breaking up is hard to do.
    December 22, 2006

  203. Taco Bell – E. coli Healthiest Item on Menu
    description: The most likely cause of illness after eating Taco Bell is having eaten at Taco Bell
    December 11, 2006

  204. Iraq Study Group Caught Cheating
    December 4, 2006

  205. Fun Search Strings that Brought People to All Day Coffee
    description: An exercise in server logs
    December 1, 2006

  206. What To Call The Iraq Civil War
    description: Ways to Get Around Saying 'Multi-ethnic/Tribal/Religious/Sectarian Violence' In Iraq
    November 28, 2006

  207. Colombia Celebrates 42 Years of Civil War
    description: An interview with the Rolling Stones of continuous conflict
    November 20, 2006

  208. Rules For Preschool
    description: The Dusseldorf School Focuses On Creational Play
    November 14, 2006

  209. Democratic Congressman Wins Foot In Mouth Contest
    description: Votes haven't been counted but insults start
    November 11, 2006

  210. Five Best Ways to Vote
    description: I can't figure out how to win this stupid touchscreen voting game.
    November 6, 2006

  211. Garrison Keillor and The Serial Killers of Youth
    description: In the Minnesota where I grew up people didn't brag about bodies in the basement.
    October 31, 2006

  212. Letter To Potential Voters
    description: I'm writing this from a Mexican jail cell
    October 24, 2006

  213. Up In Smoke: The Year's Political Losers
    description: You mean keeping cash in your freezer's illegal
    October 16, 2006

  214. Korean Nuclear Missile To Crush Godzilla, Capitalism
    description: In celebration workers will be rewarded with shortened, 99-hour work week
    October 10, 2006

  215. Five Worst Superpowers
    description: Too bad shield-throwing isn't an Olympic sport
    October 3, 2006

  216. Electronic Voting Machines Accidentally Allow Choice
    description: Free will will rock the U.S. election system
    September 25, 2006

  217. Bin Laden Killed By Spinach
    description: A victory for leafy greens
    September 23, 2006

  218. Slashing Jobs, Ford Renews Commitment to Making Crappy Cars
    description: Ford will use innovative, old technology to continue to be the leader in cars nobody wants
    September 18, 2006

  219. Denial Of Claim
    description: We hope to explain your coverage, and suggest how you might keep costs down in the future.
    September 11, 2006

  220. Introducing the Inflatable Democrat
    description: 'Polls say he's the life of the Party'
    August 28, 2006

  221. Male Aphrodisiacs
    description: Who needs black rhino horn powder when you have these household items?
    August 25, 2006

  222. Pluto Election Stolen!
    description: Plutocrats rig election - still a planet
    August 21, 2006

  223. International Laundry Symbols
    description: What those Common Home Laundering & Drycleaning Symbols really mean
    August 18, 2006

  224. Saddam: a fan letter to Mel Gibson
    description: seriously drop the beard.
    August 13, 2006

  225. Landis Drug Test Proves French Hate American Cyclists
    description: We always have problems like that – nanotechnology escaping from the lab. We should do a better job reporting it
    August 7, 2006

  226. Ask The Superhero
    description: Captain Freedom Answers Lifes Puzzling Questions
    July 31, 2006

  227. How To Protect Your Country Club During Hurricane Season
    description: A FEMA Guide
    July 24, 2006

  228. Totally Hot Chick at Town Beach Not Linked To Global Warming
    description: No explanation given for straying beauties
    July 19, 2006

  229. World Cup Soccer Rules
    description: An explanation of the beautiful game
    July 2, 2006

  230. American Flag Needs Protection
    description: Burning the flag can jeopardize homes, pants.
    June 27, 2006

  231. Biofuels Report Card
    description: Which grass scores best?
    June 19, 2006

  232. Five Greatest Flags of All Time
    description: An All Day Coffee Geography Lesson
    June 13, 2006

  233. A Survey Of the Less Popular Computer Keys
    description: Happy Keyboard Appreciation Month!
    June 6, 2006

  234. Oregon Invites National Guard to California Border
    description: Western State Proposes Full Ban on Californians, Shakespeare.
    May 30, 2006

  235. Chinese Officials Accidentally Censor Communism
    description: People celebrate free press, free speech, and free cell phone minutes. Google slinks away in shame.
    May 23, 2006

  236. We Would Like To Preboard...
    description: ...anyone who needs extra time adjusting to the unsettling 1970's decor
    May 12, 2006

  237. American Drivers Discover Extra Seats in Cars
    description: Rear seats in cars have potential to transport additional passengers to shared destinations
    May 8, 2006

  238. White House Reshuffles Office Of Office Supplies
    description: Critical Opportunity to Change Paper Distributor
    April 30, 2006

  239. Paul McCartney Accidentally Clubbed by Seal Hunter
    description: Seals releaved that British pop stars are considered viable food source.
    April 24, 2006

  240. House Immigration Bill Expels Irish, Jews, Portuguese, Finns, Italians, Germans, Others
    description: Sweeping Immigration Reform Comes as A Surprise to A Majority of Americans Who Find Themselves Without A Country.
    April 19, 2006

  241. Special Alert: Iraq Never Promised US a Rose Garden
    description: A special report looks into the intelligence failures that led to a flowerless war
    April 9, 2006

  242. Media Still to Blame For Iraq War Difficulties
    description: Analysis on the Problems of War
    April 4, 2006

  243. Government Marks War Anniversary With Free iPods
    description: Winning the hearts and minds of the American people
    March 20, 2006

  244. Halitosis: A Class Action Suit
    description: Don't suffer from mouth funk alone (not literally, of course. Please stay away)
    March 13, 2006

  245. Climbing Team Summits K2 Without Sponsorship
    description: An unusual accomplishment to achieve the world's second tallest mountain
    March 7, 2006

  246. Peak Oil: Somebody Else's Problem
    description: Questions and Answers About Another Global Issue You'll Successfully Avoid
    February 27, 2006

  247. President's Day eCards - Vol I
    February 15, 2006

  248. Vice President 'Accidentally' Shoots Hunting 'Buddy'
    description: Cheney hunt casualty count reaches all time low
    February 12, 2006

  249. Ford's New Zero Emissions SUV Powered by Union Labor
    description: largest SUV approximates GVW of gray whale
    February 3, 2006

  250. Iranian Nuclear Woes Smack of NIMBY-ism
    description: Neighborhood Uncomfortable with Nukes
    January 23, 2006

  251. US Affirms Commitment To Monarchy In Middle East
    description: Recent Death of Kuwaiti Emir will Not Affect Inherited Government
    January 16, 2006

  252. House Majority Leader Steps Down "To Spend More Time With My Attorneys"
    description: Tom DeLay wants to kick back, coach softball, and file motions.
    January 9, 2006

  253. Limbo Lost: End of a Spiritual Era
    description: Homeless souls look for new lodging
    January 3, 2006

  254. Reality Show Premise Generator
    description: To aid our struggling television networks, who may not be able to pay those fatcat writers, this useful tool will create new and exciting reality shows.
    January 1, 2006

  255. Official Congressional Tour of Baghdad
    description: See Progress Yourself with Westmoreland Tours
    December 19, 2005

  256. The O'Reilly France Boycott: Three Years Later
    description: Talk Show Personality Cripples French Economy
    December 11, 2005

  257. Christian Group Boycotts Narnia
    description: Religious Leader Has A Real Problem With Felines
    December 8, 2005

  258. LipoDiesel: Energy of the Future
    description: From your tummy to my car
    November 30, 2005

  259. Litter And It Will Hurt
    description: Instructions for Holiday Driving
    November 21, 2005

  260. Pakistan and India Drop Claims on Kashmir
    description: Nations Agree That Led Zepellin Song Isn't Worth Bloodshed
    November 16, 2005

  261. Stuffy Author Writes Self-Congratulatory Article to Celebrate Website Anniversary
    description: Small-time website author bloviates in third person
    November 8, 2005

  262. Panamanian Government Fears Presidential Visit
    description: Rumors of Second Bush Invasion
    November 7, 2005

  263. Walmart Benefit Reductions: A Memo
    description: Healthcare Special of the Day: Leeches
    October 31, 2005

  264. Themes for Fiction Welcomed by the New Yorker
    October 26, 2005

  265. Bush Show Continues Despite Ratings Slump
    description: Why don't they fire this turkey?
    October 24, 2005

  266. Political Scandals Become Too Complicated
    description: A plea for a return to murder and embezzling
    October 18, 2005

  267. Picking Your Friends
    description: A pretty good method for selecting a Supreme Court Justice
    October 10, 2005

  268. What is RSS?
    description: A Primer on Poor Spelling for the Internet Age
    October 4, 2005

  269. The Path Of Most Resistance
    description: Fitness that scares you
    September 27, 2005

  270. American Worms Capitulate Before North Korea
    description: Dispatch from the North Korean News Service
    September 20, 2005

  271. Summertime, Red and Blue Style
    description: End of Summer parties on both sides of the aisle
    September 20, 2005

  272. Spin from Hurricane Aftermath Threatens Disaster
    description: Critical Levels of Spin may cause Earth to leave its orbit
    September 13, 2005

  273. Computer Icons Overheard
    September 6, 2005

  274. Financial Calculator for White Collar Crime
    description: How much does crime pay
    August 23, 2005

  275. African Nation Aspires to Become Leader in High-Tech Scams
    description: Scams are the new model for the developing world
    August 15, 2005

  276. W is for...
    description: The improved Who`s Who in America
    August 8, 2005

  277. Congress Unanimously Agrees to Summer Recess
    description: Unique Partnership across Parties
    August 1, 2005

  278. CEO Gets 25 Years
    description: Wall Street Stunned At the Unfair Treatment of Businessmen
    July 14, 2005

  279. NASA Blows Up Comet During Summer Sweeps
    description: Comet dead ... Ratings soar ...People love it.
    July 4, 2005

  280. Internal Monologue Of a Progressive-rock Fan Choosing His Wedding Song
    description: Oh Fripp, how do I love thee (co-written with Wayne Gladstone)
    June 30, 2005

  281. Homeland Security Detains Terror Mastermind King Tut
    description: Days of ancient horror have ended
    June 27, 2005

  282. Zombie Handbook
    description: A sample from the award winning zombie lifestyle series
    June 20, 2005

  283. Democrats Develop New Strategies to Defeat Selves
    description: No longer depending on high paid consultants
    June 13, 2005

  284. Researchers claim: homework is lame
    description: Students cheer, teachers jeer
    June 2, 2005

  285. The Nuclear Option
    description: call your senator
    May 23, 2005

  286. Catch That Fly Fishing Hottie
    description: A Salmon Identification Guide
    May 13, 2005

  287. Kansas scientific dictionary
    description: the new science
    May 9, 2005

  288. More UN Video Games
    description: fun for the whole family, cohort, or nation-state
    May 2, 2005

  289. Gay Marriage Solution
    description: The less you know the better
    April 18, 2005

  290. Creation Myth Comparison
    description: Shop for your favorite theory
    April 12, 2005

  291. Oil Drilling OK Under Suburban Malls
    description: Nation Doesn't mourn
    April 4, 2005

  292. Congress Declares New Ultra-Mega Court
    description: Supreme Court Justices looking for new jobs
    April 2, 2005

  293. Extreme Vacations for Wordsmiths
    description: Ellipses Guiding Services offers the finest in extreme literary entertainment
    March 24, 2005

  294. Nokia Cellular Phone Instructions
    description: A bunch of technical specs you should really ignore
    March 21, 2005

  295. Star Wars III - The Trailer
    description: by guest writer Dr. Doom
    March 14, 2005

  296. Wizard Group Promises Healthy Social Security
    description: Sponsored by Wall Street Week
    March 10, 2005

  297. Vatican: Can Democracy Thrive?
    description: Freeing Vatican City from Tyranny
    February 28, 2005

  298. Fox Named Director of HenHouse Security
    description: The chickens will be safe
    February 24, 2005

  299. Nader Spoils Iraqi Elections
    February 17, 2005

  300. Save Our Irony
    description: A drive to save this precious resource
    December 20, 2004

  301. Democratic Strategy For Victory, 2008
    description: The piece that started it all
    November 10, 2004

  302. Captain Freedom - Original LiveWire Show
    description: The first performance of Captain Freedom at the Aladdin Theater, Portland OR
    November 8, 2004

  303. Petrarch's Secret Crush
    description: The Spamming of the Poet
    May 15, 2004

  304. An Interview with a Legal Pot Farmer
    description: What I learned in Colorado
    April 21, 2004

  305. Dominican Hand Jive
    description: The Practice of Fake Medicine
    June 24, 2002

  306. Chronicle of A Death in Venice
    description: Originally printed in Lynx Eye magazine
    June 1, 2002

  307. Smurf Village Bathhouse Crackdown
    description: the Feds totally smurfed them.
    Category: Ha ha funny
    14 February 2005

  308. Axis of Evil to Divorce
    description: Breaking up is hard to do.
    Category: Ha ha funny
    11 February 2005

  309. The Thin Veil - A Political Thriller
    description: A scathing indictment of the homelessness industry
    Category: Write to your Senator funny
    8 February 2005

  310. Fantastic Four - The Trailer
    description: A Review
    Category: Film Criticism
    1 February 2005

  311. Voice Mail Hell
    description: Problems getting through?
    Category: Ha-ha funny
    3 January 2005

  312. description: The new Postal Service.
    Category: Ha-ha funny
    28 December 2004

  313. description: How to conserve this precious, dwindling resource
    Category: New Yorker-cartoon funny.
    20 December 2004

  314. description: Commercial Space Travel
    Category: New Yorker-cartoon funny.
    13 December 2004

  315. description: Part of the Where Not To Go series
    Category: A travelogue.
    29 November 2004

  316. description: Take it or lose your job.
    Category: New Yorker-cartoon funny.
    22 November 2004

  317. description: A guide to care for your clothing.
    Category: Ha-ha funny
    15 November 2004

  318. description: When a hero retires.
    Category: Ha-ha funny
    10 November 2004

  319. description: A winning strategy for the Democrats.
    Category: Screed
    8 November 2004

  320. description: I used computer software to get published.
    Category: New Yorker-cartoon funny.
    6 June 2004

  321. description: why did she really write this?
    Category: ha-ha funny
    23 July 2003

  322. description: Suggestions to improve our image.
    Category: New Yorker-cartoon funny.
    5 December 2002


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