all day coffee
weekly humor and satire - g. xavier robillard
home | writings | toys
Online Toilet Reading
All Day Coffee tries to provide you, the readers, with sarcasm, irony, satire, and general merriment at the lightning pace of once a week. New stories appear every Monday.
Unless I'm tired.
Or on vacation.
Or washing my hair.
most recent drivel appears at
page top.
More is available here.
- The Gross new Political Action Committee from Rick Santorum
description: Yep: he didn't check the spelling
January 27, 2012
- Publication in McSweeneys
description: if you aren't outraged you haven't read it yet
January 26, 2012
- New Writers! Shake the Multiple Personality Disorder
description: Learn how to write from one POV first.
November 15, 2011
- Live Storytelling at Anecdotal Evidence
description: More Washington-state live hooey
October 27, 2011
- Atheneum Reading 2011
description:
September 25, 2011
- Literary Death Match -- Portland, Episode 2
description: See authors... bloody
September 8, 2011
- Leaked Obama Job Plan calls to "Burn Down the Country and Collect the Insurance Money."
description: It works for Detroit
September 8, 2011
- Them's Fightin' Words (Willamette Week story)
description: Portland writers talk smack before Literary Death Match.
September 6, 2011
- To Prepare for Hurricane Irene, America's Mayors Urge Residents of Northeast Cities to 'Start Looting Now'
description: Hurricane Preparation for the Modern Age
August 25, 2011
- Hustings Hustler: Iowa Straw Poll Draws Blood
description: And introducing the NASCAR Suppository
August 17, 2011
- Hustings Hustler: GOP Rocks the Granite State
description: Learn about the 2nd GOP debate, Herman Cain's weed plan, and all the shadow candidates running to replace Barack Obama.
June 19, 2011
- Blood in the Sand: the 2012 Republican Primary Candidates
description: Meet some people who really want jobs at Fox News
May 9, 2011
- Love Advice from a Star Wars Nerd
description: it's not the Force that needs to be with you
April 28, 2011
- Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
description: once again exporting humor across the Columbia River
February 24, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown: Portland Vs Portlandia
description: Too many writers writing about the IFCs new show
February 11, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience - Comedy Reading
description: at the Hall of Records
January 30, 2011
- Fiction Reading at Canvas Art Bar
description: reading with Rough Copy
January 26, 2011
- G is for Gangsta: Free Download
description: try before you buy
January 13, 2011
- The Nervous Breakdown: My Own Personal Tax Haven
description: I wasn't sure I wanted to trust the Panamanians but I wanted to show Panama that I'm not some punk college kid anymore. I was clearly a criminal mastermind.
November 22, 2010
- McSweeney's Article: My Addiction Memoir
description: a book proposal about an addiction I don't have.
November 12, 2010
- Republicans Guarantee Tax-free Marijuana
description: Smell the sweet leaf of tax-free freedom
November 3, 2010
- The Funniest Reasons You Hate me
description: Video: the most terrible comments about my writing
October 31, 2010
- Listen to the title track for G is for Gangsta FREE
description: the whitest hiphop ever
October 25, 2010
- Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2010
description: Enjoy Portland's Festival of Books
October 9, 2010
- Announcing October's Hottest Comedy Album: G is for Gangsta
description: Coming to internets soon!
October 5, 2010
- You Can't Lower Taxes and the Deficit... Dummy!
description: econ 101
September 23, 2010
- Comedy Performance Anecdotal Evidence
description: A storytelling series in Vancouver Washington
September 23, 2010
- Writing Advice from the First Grade
description: Memorize this!
September 17, 2010
- How to Pick a New Favorite Team When You Know Nothing About Football
description: first remove teams who won anything
September 13, 2010
- Rand Paul's Rules of Rulemaking
description: If you want someone not to vote for you, vote for me
August 5, 2010
- A Comedy Class Where You Won't Learn to be Funny
description: I promise, not funny at all.
August 5, 2010
- Fiction Reading at Springbox
description: new work
July 14, 2010
- Novelist Signs a Deal with Nike
description: 300 pages in 30 minutes
July 10, 2010
- Up up and way, way away
description: Article about Captain Freedom's theatrical adaptation
July 2, 2010
- How Americans Should Choose a World Cup Soccer Team
description: a handy unbiased guide (Allez Les Bleus)
June 14, 2010
- Scandal Score - America's Top Game Show
description: Where we see who can handle scandle
May 18, 2010
- Blunt 18 - Net Neutrality
description: Save the internet?
April 19, 2010
- World's Stoners Devastated To Learn Alice in Wonderland is About Math
description: This can only be seen as retribution for being uncool.
March 15, 2010
- Blunt Episode 5: Apple vs. Amazon
description: in which I go Hendrix on my laptop.
February 8, 2010
- A Vote for Taxes is a Vote for Having Nice Things
description: Also known as, Don't be California
January 25, 2010
- Voters Head to Ballot Box to Hammer Final Nail into California's Coffin
description: Tax on Girl Scouts must be profitable enough!
January 12, 2010
- Technology Predictions 2010
description: Also, b00bies!
January 4, 2010
- Everything You Need to Know about ClimateGate Email Scandal
description: Except the fact that stealing emails is politics masquerading as journalism
December 7, 2009
- Goldman Sachs Apologizes For Things and Stuff
description: Issued nine-point plan to more sensitively evict Grandmas and Close Orphanages
November 23, 2009
- Moderately Amusing Website Wishes Itself a Happy Fiver!
description: All Day Coffee is now in Kindergarten
November 11, 2009
- Live Wire Radio: Wordstock and the Ultimate Nerdoff, available as Podcast
description: Feel free to throw popcorn at your computer screen to simulate the live experience
October 26, 2009
- Comedy Performance at Wordstock 2009
description: Enjoy Portland's annual festival of books.
October 11, 2009
- Appearance: Live Wire Radio's Ultimate Nerd-off
description: been training with back issues of the X-men
October 10, 2009
- Washington Times Startling Discovery: Nerds Like Porn
description: yep, we said titillating.
October 1, 2009
- Fall Fiction Class
description: Teaching Fiction at the Attic in Portland
September 27, 2009
- Truth, Justice, and Rehab: Captain Freedom, a Truly Modern Hero
description: an interview with satire site Check Please!
September 15, 2009
- Alternative Names for the Public Option
description: I hope they pick the cool-aid man
September 14, 2009
- Captain Freedom - The Book club
description: a discussion of the novel with the Portland Local reading group
August 12, 2009
- FAQ About Woodstock (from someone who was not yet born)
description: I remember it like I was there, man.
August 10, 2009
- Unheard of, Heretofore Useless Economic Indicator Nudges Forward, Possibly Signaling Change
description: Nobody knows for sure without further study
August 3, 2009
- It's Sleestak Vs SPECTRE In PA Primary
description:
August 3, 2009
- Voodoo Doughnut Reading Party
description: Come for the doughnuts, stay for the authors
August 1, 2009
- True Stories at Mississippi Studios
description: a night of embarrassing non-fiction & live music
July 30, 2009
- Anecdotal Health Care
description: Your New Solution in Anecdote-based Care
July 27, 2009
- Job Hunting Tips in the Facebook Age
description: Don't Post Those Mechanical Bull Pics. Unless...
July 6, 2009
- How to Become an Iran Expert
description: Persian Pundrity Is as Easy as Setting Up a Twitter Account
June 22, 2009
- How to setup a proxy for Iranian citizens (for Windows!)
description: did not write- just a reprint
June 16, 2009
- FAQ on the Digital Switch
description: If you still have ten digits this is totally normal.
June 15, 2009
- G. Xavier Robillard comes back home
description: a brief mention in Reading Local
June 15, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Montana to Oregon
description: a stop at Missoula, aka chilltown USA
June 3, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Minneapolis and Fargo
description: Is that your Accomplice in the Wood Chipper?
May 22, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Lansing And Chicago
description: The Tour D'Store
May 21, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Buffalo and Ann Arbor
description: A tour of the great lakes cities
May 19, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Pandemonium Books
description: hanging out with the Magic and the Daemons
May 17, 2009
- With Graduation Looming and Few Job Prospects, America Asks to Move Back In With Great Britain
description: British Wonders if America Will Start Doing Its Own Laundry
May 15, 2009
- From Pandemonium to Powell's - Great American Tour d'Store
description: 8 States, 8 Stores, 3300 miles
May 14, 2009
- City Smackdown: Boston Vs Portland
description: Which city can be the victor?
May 11, 2009
- To Combat Image Problems, Mexico Changes Name to Steve
description: You cannot say "Mexico" without saying "sick."
May 4, 2009
- Free Comic Book Day Contest!!!
description: win a copy of Captain Freedom
May 2, 2009
- GOP Demands Giant Border Wall to Combat Mexican Swine Flu
description: Media, politicians are prepared to create as much hype as possible to handle the coming panic
April 28, 2009
- MySpace Suicide Epidemic Sweeps Nation, Worrying Parents, Educators, MySpace
description: Teen Boredom, Poor Layouts Lead to Users Fleeing Social Networking Site
April 22, 2009
- Reed Next's Next Read
description: TBA
April 20, 2009
- Stumptown Comix Fest
description: Portland's littlest Con
April 19, 2009
- Making it Funny, Comedy for Old and New Media
description: A lecture on comedy at SUNY Oswego
April 14, 2009
- READING AND DISCUSSION: Author and Humorist G. Xavier Robillard on Captain Freedom
description: A performance at SUNY Oswego
April 13, 2009
- 8 Ways to Beef Up North Korea Rocket Program
description: Please, stop letting Supreme Leader in the Chem Lab
April 5, 2009
- How to Record An Effective Podcast
description: First thing: make sure you have a sexy, sexy voice
March 30, 2009
- Unusable Signal interviews Captain Freedom
description: Hear the Captain on air!
March 28, 2009
- My Stalker In Telecom
description: Running A Business Like A Lovesick Schoolboy
March 23, 2009
- History Obama Could Learn From: How FDR Beat King Kong
description: A Secret History of the First 100 days
March 17, 2009
- NPR: A Superhero for a Self-Absorbed Society
description: includes live podcasts on NPR
March 17, 2009
- Unusable Signal interviews G. Xavier Robillard
description: Hear the author in a tubes interview
March 14, 2009
- 7 Practical Ways To Cheat Death At the Hands of your Enemies
description: Things we picked up from watching 24
March 12, 2009
- Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
description:
March 3, 2009
- Captain Freedom - Live in Cambridge
description: G. Xavier Robillard reads from Captain Freedom, "Forced Out."
March 3, 2009
- Ask the Superhero: Unicorn Or Narwhal
description: The serious biologist asks who would win in a fight
March 2, 2009
- Boston Edge Reviews Freedom
description: A fun write up in the Edge. Not the U2 guitarist.
March 1, 2009
- Captain Freedom - He's No Superman
description: A review by the Baltimore Sun
February 27, 2009
- GOP’s Boehner Continues Stand Against Wimpy Americans
description: GOP House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Some Place Where Men are Men, Women are Women, and Everyone Pulls Themselves Up by Their Bootstraps) has criticized the Democratic Party for offering American
February 26, 2009
- Tech Support Script #15: So You Swallowed Your Blackberry
description: Every Blackberry owner should read this
February 25, 2009
- The Price of Freedom
description: An interview iwith the Portsmouth WIre
February 19, 2009
- The Seven Levels of Nerdgasm
description: A Fanyboy Awaits the Watchmen Movie
February 17, 2009
- Captain Freedom: the Novel, Excerpts and Spin-offs
description: oh yeah there's a blog too!
February 11, 2009
- Kirkus' Review of Captain Freedom
description: Kirkus gives a little love
January 30, 2009
- George Bush Reflects on Last Eight Years as Baseball Commissioner
description: Remembering the Presidential Defiler
January 19, 2009
- G. Xavier Robillard Wins 4th Annual HumorFeed Competition
description: Oddly, Coffee-related site wins prize with story about... coffee!
January 15, 2009
- Ghostwriter Responds to Superhero's Allegations
description: Admits he may have made up some things.
January 12, 2009
- Super Personality Test - What Kind of Hero Are You?
description: Find Out if You Can Be Trusted with the Keys to the Company Nukes
January 11, 2009
- MPAA Movie Ratings Generator
description: Learn Why the Secret Cabal Really Rated That Film PG-13 - Was it the Hobbit Tickling?
January 10, 2009
- Captain Freedom Vents About New Memoir
description: The Official Book Trailer
January 2, 2009
- Everything You Need To Know about Professional Athletes and Guns
description: a brief FAQ so you can better understand the relationship between weapons and professional athletes.
December 9, 2008
- Big Three Automakers Prepare for Awesome DC Road Trip
description: Ford CEO decided Driving his Lexus Sent Wrong Message
December 3, 2008
- A Boxing Day Retail Boycott
description: We should systematically target those retailers who refuse to celebrate Boxing Day.
November 25, 2008
- Franken, Coleman Vote Counting Disrupted by Lizard People
description: Will Reptiles be Our New Minnesota Senator?
November 21, 2008
- Obama's Diplomatic Skills Threatened by Very Ugly Dog
description: Malia's allergies will be fine, because the Peruvian hairless is ugly enough to clear the room.
November 17, 2008
- Canada Completely Unprepared for Arrival of Angry Democrats
description: There are Coast Guard ships but not nearly enough to stop the Freedom Yachts that are ready to embark from Seattle
November 4, 2008
- Joe The Plumber to become Joe the Country Star?
description: Or Joe the Country Fish
October 31, 2008
- Conservatives Accidentally Bankroll Obama to Prove a Point About Online Donation Fraud
description: If you want to be anonymous do you have to call yourself Anonymous?
October 29, 2008
- Ralph Nader Wins Something!
description: but not a 5000 foot sandwich
October 28, 2008
- 6 Ways You Know Democrats Love Socialism
description: because Joe the Plumber might actually have to pay his back taxes
October 27, 2008
- Google CEO Searches Obama + Me + Cabinet Position
description: What will Search bring to America?
October 21, 2008
- The Presidential Candidates' Middle Names
description: I'm looking at you, John S. McCain
October 16, 2008
- The Superhero Lifestyle
description: a monologue recorded in Oakland, CA
October 3, 2008
- Presidential Caveman Debates
description: Yet Another Debate Performance Response
September 29, 2008
- Understanding Freddie And Fannie: Bloated Mortgage Giants, or Just Misunderstood?
description: Answering the important question: which would win in a fight?
September 8, 2008
- Republicans Become the Party Party
description: The only risky activity the GOP refuses to condone is "heavy vetting"
September 4, 2008
- Batman Movie Sparks Real Crime Spree
description: We recommend if you're planning to see Batman multiple times, you should make sure a trusted neighbor is picking up your mail
July 29, 2008
- 6 Ways Airlines Could Make Some Serious Money
description: You will have the chance to get a signed photograph of your airline lobbyist in a lovely frame ($100).
July 14, 2008
- 7 Dangerous Technologies You Can Still Use While Driving Under California Cellphone Ban
description: Should you survive the accident, your ability to communicate will already be so hampered by texting that the paramedics who comes to your aid will determine you brain dead.
July 8, 2008
- Electrical Storms Disrupt Blogging
description: Blogger Determined to Understand Mystical Connection Between Electricity, Internet
June 30, 2008
- Obama Campaign Vets Summer Vacation Plans
description: Attempting to Avoid the Windsurfing Debacle of 2004